in my life.

2007-09-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

decided to change back to blogger.
and ive changed my URL.
LINK ME :D

2007-09-01T15:43:00.000-07:00

im planning to switch to wordpress. (:
come and ask me for it and you'll get my new blog. (:

2007-08-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

after a nightmare last night, i woke up with little droplets of cold sweat.
imagine one, I, could dream of myself being exorcised!
WHAT THE *!
didnt sleep properly as i was horribly terrified by my own dream.

SIGH.

anyway, an exciting day i was having!
it smoothly went past just like that!
ARGH.
can i have more of this day??

headed down to THE CATHAY and met dear dear for a MOVIE!
yes FINALLY.
it was then singapore had a DOWNPOUR which caused us to STUPIDLY bought an UMBRELLA!
6 bucks flew away gayly. MEOW.

walked a short distance and there we reached THE CATHAY!
we FINALLY had a movie AGAIN! WHOO! got me so excited. (x
anyway, we watched [SECRET].
to my surprise, it was FANTASTIC!
didnt know it was THAT good after the movie jaychou last acted in INITIAL D.
TWO THUMBS UP!
i tell you!
the plot was terrific!
the twists here and there were superb!
the lame but innocent acts were enjoyable.
THE MOVIE was JUST SO WORTH MY FREE TICKET! ^.^
haha.

ohoh! dear dear bought me NAIL STRENGTHENER.
THANK YOU DEAR!
YOU KNEW I WANTED IT! (:
i bought you chocolate, but unfortunately, you didnt like it.
STUPID HERSHEY'S KISSABLES.

today, deardear bought himself a pair of BLACK SKINNIES.
haha. :D
made him broke again.
but NOT AS BROKE AS ME DEAR!
need to get a clinic job luh.
i shall try to make a trip down to the clinic which i always visit! ((:

after a fantastic movie and shopping,
dear and i had dinner together with my family at westmall.
food were terrific too! haha. :D
cant believe that i actually enjoy this day so much. ^.^

I LOVE YOU DEAR! YOU ARE SO TERRIFIC TOO!

i'll NEVER let you go.

at the bus stop.

handsome boy at the bus stop.

after finishing my fill.

after dear finished his fill.

laughed unglamly as dear took a picture of me

hacking my brother with the umbrella we bought.

my bro and his gf, beishan (:

THE END!

2007-08-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

SURPRISINGLY, spammers arent getting back uh?
keeping track of them is getting myself excited.
but all i know is that, im fking wasting my time with all those pieces of SHIT.
please, spamming and nonsense-ing arent getting you anywhere, you know?
please have the honor to reflect on yourself! (:

past few weeks were tiring when i'd been dancing and dancing non-stop.
day after day, i've been dancing on harlequine floor.
but today, i'd an arduous time standing properly and holding my back.
but after all, i guess it was still all right for me to get a merit luh.
i shall try my best.
YES DEBORAH. DISTINCTION! (:

months had passed but those ultimately disappointing stuffs still arent getting off your head.
i know it's hard and people have been giving you the "supposedly-RIGHT-advices".
but you stood strong on your stand to defend me, though not trusting at all but ONLY STARTING.
but i guess this is the PRICE ive to pay.
anyway, im putting things right now.
erasing the irritating past and moving on to my new life.
thank you dear.

HELLO NEW LIFE.
things im going to occupy myself with are:
- working
- dancing
- studying (mugger)
HENCE, THE SUMMARY OF WHAT IM AIMING MY LIFE TO BE IS TO BE A PART-FULL-TIME WORKER, PART-TIME DANCER, A FULL-TIME MUGGER AND A FULL-TIME GIRLFRIEND.
goals seem so far to achieve. thought times are hard, they WONT be TOO hard for God to lead me through right. (:

time management is the thing i need to take note of for the coming term.
perhaps giving myself a chance to work again would let me prove my capability to manage financially and also time. (:

NO FEAR MANN!
IVE DEAR TO ENCOURAGE ME AND
GOD TO PUT ME THROUGH! (:

2007-08-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

it was such a nuisance!
what do you think of yourself?
NOBLE? HARDWORKING? NICE? or WHAT?
i simply guess that you are living in a world of denial, lying to yourself what you are doing are ALL right, you are an irritant, making such a big fuss out of nothing. you are such a lazy bum, delegating jobs when you yourself should be the one doing it, giving lousy excuses to ME, saying you cant do it etc etc.

SIMPLY, WHAT'S YOUR BIG ASS PROBLEM!

early in the morning, when the morning is still young, you woke me up, commanding this, commanding that.
how far can you go? you are the ONLY one who couldnt take those shits, not US you know. why must you be so selfish, and GLADLY think about yourself?? GOSH.

HELLO?!?! BOTH ARE YOUR CHILDREN! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT!
the sun was already beating hard on my BROTHER'S ASS, why did you wake me up (ONLY)?
must you so obvious in your practice in favoritism?
JUST GET ALIVE, MOM.

it's really a mental torture if you do not already know that!
do you need me to tell you straight to your face?
i guess you can feel how feel when i tried to disagree in you doing ALL THESE right?
are you just SO INSENSITIVE?

forget it.

anyway, i just realised an interesting tag on my tagboard.
WOW. how interesting can you get huh.
your life's not interesting enough? want to get some fun here?
just GET A LIFE.
F*

2007-08-21T12:53:00.000-07:00

YES. LAST PAPER DOWN.
but it wasnt good.
DISTINCTIVE failure i can be.
SIGH.

finally finished my exams.
tired and falling sick.
argh. the days of late turning ins.
YES! they ARE GONE.
leaving me, feeling uberly sad. :'(

but ive got my dear to encourage me!
giving me advices and even tell me to stay back every day to study!
what a great idea! (:
KISSES TO DEAR! (:

time for job-hunting! (:
MOOKS, here i come! ^.^

2007-08-18T17:02:00.000-07:00

2 papers down.
essay writing and essay writing.
business law and business management.
TEDIOUS!
dry, stupid, idiotic and tough.
how am i supposed to use my BAD memory to remember ALL the facts?
LAUGHS.
but i managed to. with just burning midnight oil for a few hours after the clock stroke 12am.

for the past few nights, i'd been feelings like a mugger and it brought me all the way back to my secondary 4 days.
O LEVELS.

finally, i did it. i made it through the weekdays and now, to the weekends!
i SWEAR (i am not supposed to) im going to play my butt upside down luh.
im so going to have fun sleeping. sun tanning. swimming. shopping (though im penniless) and working, perhaps?
tonnes of things are waiting for me to do!

shall plan my holidays with care.
i am not going to waste my holidays like how i actually wasted working when in the end, im penniless. not because i spent a bomb. but because i was filial.

come to think about my life, seriously, i didnt enjoy much.
just spend my time dancing and studying and dating.
i guess its time for me to go and have some REAL fun mann.
if i were to work, im going to save those money up and buy myself a new phone!
didnt hold a GOOD phone in my life and im yet to feel what's its like! (:

just yesterday, i thought of a way to ask catholics some stuffs!
shall trigger their mind a little.
i want to understand more of their religion so that i can put myself useful from there! (:

yes, im off for ballet training once again.
tired and shag. slept for less than 2 hours! =S

i miss you darling. (:

2007-08-15T02:09:00.000-07:00

it's beyond anyone's belief that DEBORAHLOOMINYI could dance for straight-FOUR-DAYS!
it was friday, and then saturday, then came sunday and then MONDAY!
friday - class as usual. irritants and the ignore-ments existed for a week plus plus.
saturday - BUGIS. headed to NAFA for audition. dumb BFF justine made us went a big round to reach our destination! -.-"
sunday - early in the morning went for ballet class at 10am. though class lasted for ONLY 2 hours, it made me SHAG.
monday - had class after my revision at woodlands library. SHAG still. ignore-ments finally removed.

saturday could be crowned as the MOST-SHAG-DAY.
at first, the dance for the audition (contemporary dance) wasnt as tough.
then came the second part, ADAGIO, which caused my UPPER THIGH to ache for FOUR DAYS PLUS PLUS.
after audition, BFF&i headed down to ORCHARD LIBRARY (not to study), to sleep!
zzz.
justine went to meet her friends and bought a donut from DONUT FACTORY!
though wasnt THAT fantastic, it was a sweet gesture from her! (:
THANK YOU!
surprisingly, i saw yvonne at cineleisure.
i'd a great time talking to her. though these 5 mins seemed short, but it made me HIGH.
realising that we were running late for ballet, we cabbed down to dancepointe.
PHEW. caught it on time. (:

tuesday was the day which i finally could rest my UPPER THIGH.
slept the whole day, i can say.
RESTED MY BRAIN TOO which i have NO IDEA how i am going to cope with my revision. ):
friday is my FIRST PAPER. im soooo GOING TO DIE.
--
anyway,
THANK YOU DEAR FOR SEARCHING HIGH AND LOW FOR ME. SORRY TO MAKE YOU WORRY. BUT I WAS SO ANGRY WITH YOU. HOPE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND! (: I LOVE YOU!

tomorrow is the day which i can run a whole day of remembering facts of BIZ LAW.
sucks okay.
):
heading to sleep!
shall post photos the next time round!
it's getting boring here.

2007-08-08T15:00:00.000-07:00

2 days ago. it was my birthday.
dear dear celebrated with me at night.
we had our celebration at CAFE CARTEL (suntec).
dear bought me a chocolate cake which was so rich that i was enjoying it like hell.
went home by cab. ): payed A LOT for it.

and and! my present from dear was.
PUZZLE!

my mom gave me a SAMSUNG MP3 player.
WHOO. made me go HIGH!
i'd been smiling since the moment i got it. (:

from jacqueline, hanizah& cheryl!
BODY LOTION from ISRAEL.

and today, 080807.
it's choongruixiang&deborahloominyi's one year together.
HAPPY ONE YEAR DARLING.
may our love be ever-lasting and persevering till the end of the world.
LOVE LOVE!

2007-08-05T13:01:00.000-07:00

is it a little too late to tell of my WISH LIST?
but anyway, im a crazily living in vanity and trying to be in my best wherever i go.
hence THESE would help. (:

firstly, i would put on make up wherever i go. thick or light make up depends on the occasion im attending. basics make up are very essential to me. [but seriously foundation isn't necessary to me, but if you want to buy for me, i'll use it. (: ]
- eyeliner
long lasting ones would be good. in liquid or in pencil forms are fine as long as enhance my beauty.
- mascara
bringing out the volume of my eye lashes would be fantastic. as some of you all know, my eye lashes are very little and looks like "BABY HAIR". hence, putting on those which would give VOLUME to them would be better.
- rouge cake
im running out of it! colors preferred are those which brings out warmth and intensity. NOT PINKISH, LET ME WARN. brown orange-y would be great! not too brown, but a little hint of orange and dark red. (: how to describe! =S

NAILS
i feel empty without putting on nail polish.
classic colours from LOREAL are to my taste!
others would be light pink, dark red, white, black and metallic purple.
but seriously, any colors which you think suits me will be fine with me. (:

i'd been using my NIKE and KAPPA bag for more than a year.
so i would love someone buying me a new bag.
plain-colored bags with chains as the "handles" are good enough.
ive been eyeing on the GUESS straw bag for quite some time ever since chinchin has introduced me to it. [unique and exclusive]

apparel are those i need in poly life.
i always love to step into shops like MNG and TOPSHOP, which i think they suit me better.
i want more dresses! short & simple ones would be apples of my eye.
skinnies are essentials too. so that i can wear them to church instead of me wearing shorts and mini skirts to church.
i'd been aiming for more long shirts and tanks from MNG and TOPSHOP.

ENTERTAINMENT
MP3 player would be something i will definitely use on my trips to places. (:
that would definitely kill my boredom! :D
get me a ZEN stone or ZEN stone plus would be good enough.

FOOT
a new pair of havanas!
a pair of NIKE dunks. plain and simple are those cheaper that makes it more affordable for you.
something which can be hardly seen on streets.
im in love with GREEN, RED, HOT PINK, BLACK.

2007-08-04T10:47:00.000-07:00

i dont feel loved today.
probably i'd terrible mood swing.
all right, it terribly sucked okay.

but anyway,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA WONG, MY BELOVED!
LOVE YOU TO THE MAX. AND HOW I WISHED WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND EVER! HAHA. :D
OUR BIRTHDAY ARE LIKE SOOOO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER!
MINE'S COMING. WHOO!
am loving it. (:

this afternoon, went to GRACE ASSEMBLY OF GOD to have a change of feel & experience.
and guess what, it was GREAT!
and i loved the sermon.
can you imagine me attentively listening to the sermon and am SOOO impressed with it!
but i wont be able to attend YOUNG ADULTS WORSHIP till my ballet exam is over.

BALLET EXAM: 16 SEPTEMBER

school exams are drawing near. and im STILL not doing anything.
felt so useless la please.
someone please enlighten me.

MY BIRTHDAY: 6 AUGUST.
hello friends, you know what to do ah. monday please! (:
WHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA. :D
thank you in advanced!
WHOO!

2007-07-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

i had a GREAT day yesterday.
first thing in the morning, i received TWO hamsters! (:
for your GREAT info, they are my new love.
deardear&my new love! (:
we decided in the night to call them, DEEDEE & DUMBDUMB!
i only have dumbdumb's pic now.
so this is him. (:

and then, went to school for a short 4 hours or so, i headed to beauty salon for a hair cut.
deardear accompanied me and WHOOSH! he was the first of the many who are close to me who saw my haircut!
haha. :D
he fret out when he saw my fringe went, "ZZZZZIAAAH".
this is my new haircut.

went for ballet and was uber tiring.
i would lower my sight just to admire them sleeping when i had a "OH so GREAT" time dancing. (:
ballet was really strenuous.
dying soon. but i shall persevere till september! WHOO!

love my dear. LOVES!

2007-07-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

after lazing for so long, i decided to put myself to blog.

firstly, i want to thank dear dear for being there for me whenever and wherever.
even when i had school till the dusk, he sat at one corner alone, waiting for my dismissal. (:
HUGS!

the previous two weeks were a hectic week for me. trainings for competition were still lingering in my mind. thought tiring and restless, but there were times when we were energetic and forced the feelings out of us meet professional standard.

I HAD TWO COMPETITIONS IN ONE WEEK!

my schedule was in a mess. sometimes, when i have to practise for hip hop competition, i've to miss my advance ballet training. this caused much unhappiness between miss foo and i.
however, i couldn't care as hip hop competition was then, more important.

how lethargic one could imagine! =S

TIME TO TRIM MY HAIR! WHOOTS! :D

video of my hip hop is ready! i hope its working. (:

i clinched onto 2nd position. OMANIA!

for ballet competition, we clinched onto the third position.
was a GREAT achievement. (:
no major injuries, except my back hurts a hell lot. =S

2007-07-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

watched transformers today.
the graphic was SUPERB.
two thumbs up! **
gobbled one box of popcorn down.
felt extremely like vomitting. =x

but anyway. today, i didnt have school.
hence, i stayed at home to do online work.
it was really sucky as i didnt attend my lecture & now i dont know whats going on.
but nevermind, at least when i saw my friends' answer, i got the idea of it. (x

im missing you. (:

anyway, im lazy to blog nowadays. so i shall cut everything short&sweet.
nra choreography! ^^!

and today, 11th july, its my third year believing in JESUS. (:
im proud of it!

2007-07-09T11:39:00.000-07:00

monday BLUE.
fooook!

an interesting-day-gonna-be. (:
school as normal.
which ive time to go home and rest before i head down to jurong west for ballet.
which after that im going to suntec to have SPECIAL DINNER!
and im going to shop at MNG tonight.
going to ask my dad for some MONEY to buy some clothings. (:

EXCITED. arousing. (:

lazy to blog more.
my back is aching quite badly.
MASSAGE PLEASE!

2007-07-08T00:25:00.000-07:00

today was just slacking at home the whole day.
proceeded to dance school. and danced.
supposed to enjoy myself but i ended up hurting my back.
and its super hurting me now.

no mood. ):

2007-07-07T02:30:00.000-07:00

first and foremost, i want to explain the tag on my tagboard, regarding "my" reply to xiang.
thats not me okay.
i mean, someone is trying to impose me.
so im making myself clear that that "deborahloominyi" isnt me. (:
thank you.
dont misunderstand. (:
i seldom tag on my tagboard to reply! ^.^

anyway. headed out to town in the afternoon&stuffs.
got along well with xiang.
and he promised me not to be so fierce towards me. and if he does, then i will reconsider my choice to be single or not.
at this young age of ours, i felt that, we're still quite immature to handle relationship setbacks.
its normal i mean, all because we are still YOUNG!

anyway, we headed down to peninsula plaza & then to peninsula shopping centre to look for skinny jeans.
WOW. there were so many kinds and different colours available.
anyway. i got the lobang from my wierd friend who holds a place in my heart - sinying!
like, she' s like my good good good friend in class now.
she's really a wierdo la.
types with only TWO fingers! (x
at an amazing speed!
i mean. how can she be able to do that??

admiration.

anyway, i tried on many pair of jeans and i found one i really liked. (:
like WHOO~
shopping is so fun.
but if i used my own money, it'll be more of shoikness. (:
thank you dear!
i enjoyed myself!

we intended to catch transformers today. but good seats were not available! ):
so in the end, we bashed the idea of catching transformers and we decided to sit at suntec city, drinking green tea & eating peanuts.
after that, we went to arcade to play stupid games.
such as those which can win handphone and PSP.
WASTE money.
BUT WE HAD A GOOD TRY! wasting money.

i really enjoyed today.
and yes!
im loving it. (:

at ten plus, his dad came and fetched me home.
i wore the pair of skinnies home!
like a shiokness! (:
thanks dear!

coming shopping! im all ready. (vit M?)

2007-07-05T14:53:00.000-07:00

yes. thats the way to say out your feelings and everything through your blog.
let everyone read it and let them understand it.
understand my feelings and your feelings.
by this way, you wont feel that people will think that you're a bad guy or whatever.

anyway. i just want this to rest.
by just looking at you with a little of frustration, a little anger and a little of great actions, its enough to shut my mouth.
i wont want to talk further. i wont want to even look at you.
all because im scared, im frighten, and im t-r-a-u-m-a-t-i-z-e-d.

TIRED. im tired. EVERYONE is tired.
ENOUGH for now.

THIS TEACHER SUCKS LIKE FUCK & WE ALL HATE HER.
SHE
SUCKS
SHE
THINKS
SHE'S
FUNNY
BUT
SHE
IS
NOT.
WHAT

A

LOSER.

-cherylchin

2007-07-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

these few days had been hard on me.
the days werent as stable as how we used to be.
yes, your actions cause me to be traumatized.
i shivered as i ran away.
i was cold-sweating.
i felt like vomitting.

i didnt knw what i could do.
all i could think of was just to run away (temporarily). like. i just wanted to cool down and stuffs.
i just want us to keep calm.
is that wrong too?

sometimes, i just wonder if we should really be together.
i mean, we kept quarrelling&stuffs, which is actually causing our relationship to worsen further.
then, now the only medication to it is to cool down for 6months.
to prevent any further complications.
(though i know we'll miss each other like. insanity.)
but i just want our relationship to be better.
by letting things cool down, and recuperate from previous wounds.

ive thought about it many times, and i still feel that, our relationship should stop for awhile.
if not, things will get worse, as i could see from the things i'd done& the aftermath of it. ):
like, it could be solved by not letting anger take over your actions. ):
i was seriously traumatized.
SIGH.

i seriously do enjoy every moments with you.
but i dont seem to enjoy those times of heated controversy with you.
i seriously hate it.
thats y im so wanting to let go for a few months.
then we'll talk about it again, as your mom has agreed to (:

i really appreciated how your mother took care of these things. and i really treasure my relationship with her.
you might think she's really talking rubbish.
but those words might be stuffs which are able to help to improve our relationship.
can we take a break for awhile?
please.
i'll still keep my promise not to meet edwin or leslie or marcus like alone or what okay?
even im going to be alone, i'll just stay alone¬ them okay?
(:

ive said my piece.
take it calmly, my dear.
the future will be better!
LOVES!

2007-06-30T01:25:00.000-07:00

dont expect me to trust you just like that okay.
how many times do i need to repeat this?

how convincing can your words be?
today, another lie was just being told.
however, i suspected another lie at the same time.
when i was about to receive the truth out of it, i left the source.

after i left, i realised it was pointless in digging out the truth.
because i know that, even if THAT GIRL tell me something thats was against my thoughts, i also wont believe.
because im sure xiang is capable of telling her not to tell me the facts.
oh well. im tired of it.
i need a break hunn.

I NEED A BREAK.

come on my friends, cheer me up. (:
i love them cause they never fail to accompany me when i needed them.
they never lie to me, they are very truthful&encouraging.
I LOVE YOU FRIENDS!
you all really are very caring&sincere&sweeet! (x

life is like stepping stones.
so this is also part of life. (:
i'll carry on with my life though love fails me.

2007-06-26T14:22:00.000-07:00

im just doing it for your own good.
only when her number is not there, you will think less about messaging her.
AM I RIGHT?
but you couldnt understand!
what was the problem with you?
sigh.

im doing it to protect myself from being hurt further.
however, i know its NOT a 100% preventive measure, but at least im still able to protect myself in some ways.
because you can just sneak your sister's phone and memorise her number.
but dont you feel that if you do that. you'l get pricked in your conscience?

you can lie to everyone around you, but you cannot lie to yourself.
i learnt this from my primary school friend.
if my friend&i could understand when we were P1, you, being a poly student, should be able to understand this clause.

im doing all these to protect myself.
if you think you can do it, you HAVE TO SHOW IT TO ME.
and having said this, it takes TIME.

someone please take me to the beach and scream my sorrows out.

2007-06-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

another lie.
i wonder how long more i can hold on.
i wonder how many more times im going to be lied to.

though you have been saying that you want to gain back my trust, is that how you are going to gain back by your repeating lies?
even though you kept saying that you dont want to lie already, but you expect me to trust you just*snaps* like that?
its impossible dear.
its a mission impossible.

im seriously tired&really hope to give it a break.
but when i think back, im feeling like shit.
i cant let go of this relationship, because i really do love to hold on to it till we grow old.
i really want to grow old with you.
since you've made a promise to my mom that you'll come back for me two years later (promise made in last dec), which is 1.5years now.

nevermind. i shall wait. this will be the LAST EVER CHANCE im giving you.
if you break this trust again, we'll BREAK UP.

2007-06-23T15:22:00.000-07:00

how many more times do you want to lie to me?
what you promised me was broken. not once. but twice or thrice.
how do you expect me to trust you again?
dont you think its VERY hard for me to do so?
why are you always thinking of you yourself being emo&that NO ONE comes to talk to you?
i believe if you ask gareth, he'll talk to you, more than willing to.
but why would you want HER?!

have you not think that i was emo because of your small little actions you executed?
why are you doing this to me?
i have known that the first&the last chance wasnt the first&last chance at all.
it is the first many&the last many chances.
sigh
im UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED.

you want to gain back my trust, but are you doing it correctly in the first place??????????
yes, you are gaining back my trust by your repeated lying.
how can i not be emo now?

you told the other girl that the girl you like was OBVIOUSLY PRETTY.
how would i think?
it was a TOTAL disappointment.
i bet you didnt know that at all.
perhaps you can just think that it just a comment from your mouth, you think that you might not mean it at all.
but what will i think when i read it?
have you ever think about it at all?

the obvious answer is NO.

i dont want you to lie to me again.
because i dont want to emo&cry again.
and i dont want you to think that im crying over small little stuffs.
to you, those stuffs you said could be little&minute in your eyes, but to me, it can just shatter my heart into pieces.
but you have not tried to understand at all.

just one word, its enough to break my heart.
just one small action, its enough to further shatter them.

i dont want to live in this torture already.
God, get me out of it.
im sick&tired of it.
Oh God, save me.

2007-06-21T01:32:00.000-07:00

another day just the two of us.
today not by the sea/in the sea.
it was on a busy land!

TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!

yes. baby wants to enjoy the great deals singapore is having on GREAT SINGAPORE SALE.
what i did was to just follow dear dear wherever he went.
i was merely enjoying looking at the prices they offer.
i couldnt buy it as i am still in the course of saving money to buy those stuffs i REALLY REALLY want&need.
for example. mng jeans. its really pretty. but too bad, IF i have enough, i might head for it. but IF i dont have enough, i will buy the other one RED2 has. (:
another example is victoria secrets perfume. (: its a new want for me.
as i passed by a push-cart, i am starting to develop feelings for such stuffs. such SWEEEEET smelling stuffs. ((:

what else attracted me?
went to far east and saw this shop that sells DENIM STUFFS. shorts, skirts, jeans!
shall head there when i have VITAMIN M.

bikinis are on the way. WHOO! (:

money money money. ):
when money comes to my mind, which always does, i will feel super sad.
because i dont have enough to spend on my food&few personal stuffs.
and when i walk in the streets&see high-end stuffs like GUCCI, it tempts me to feel darn rejected. ):
and sadness dwells in. )':

but i think money will naturally come in when i start to work. (:
dont worry deborah!
pretty bling blings wont run away!
haha. :D

i enjoyed spending this day with you dear.
i love you!

2007-06-20T03:11:00.000-07:00

the clock is ticking away from 3am.
i am quietly sitting here, thinking of what i should blog about.
i dont know where i should start from.
i just didnt have any idea of what i want to blog about.

but i still want to blog about something. (:

the whole of today was just about me slacking everywhere i went.
supposed to go NRA practice.
but i was late&i decided not to go.
went back to dear's house&found out something unpleasant.
sigh. why am i always so suspicious about anything&everything?
up to date, i checked&found many stuffs which i was being lied to.
once again, emotions filled me.
i couldnt those emotions that filled me, there are just too strong.

sometimes i just wonder if im a little toooooo emo. ):
but what do you expect from someone who was being lied to?
needless to say when i found out more things. ):
it was utterly disappointing. but i tried my best to smile&take it easy.
it failed.

however, my persistence in wanting to make things turn out good led things turning out fine.
how "PHEW" can i be? (:

i want you to hold on like how you used to.
this is really the last chance im offering you.
no more of any chances that might salvage this relationship between you&i.
savvy?
but i want to tell you that i NEVER love someone soooo deeply before.
and i NEVER in my life give out so much before. (:
i did all these is because i love you.
i really mean it. (:

miss you bee.
kisses**

2007-06-19T02:52:00.000-07:00

yes. it was sweet. sweet till i dont want to give it up.

today was the day just the TWO OF US. i was so pleased that i plucked up my courage to swim in the deep deep water! it was darn high tide. i was feeling super nervy.

i didnt bring so many things! like, extra pair of shorts.
how dumb of me to continue to swim with my one and only pair of shorts.
was so desperate that i was actually drying it with the hand dryer available in the toilet.
after 1/2 hour, it was still not dry. so it equals to dear waited for me for 1/2 hour.
sorry dear. but i really cant take it to wear a pair of wet shorts.
though it didnt dry after that&i still wore it. -.-"

got ourselves washed up&found out another lie.
it was a 360 degrees switch to emo-ness.
this is a normal reaction when girls realised that their bfs lied to them again about the same issue.
total disappointment. but still, it worked out after songs of the sea.
dear hoaxed me&yes, i responded greatfully. i responded&i really love him!
dear bought me a pair of cargo pants. i really felt bad for him.
those money he spent was supposed to be for himself!! )))x

ate carls junior. it was shiokness. (:

took bus with dear. and i forgot to tap my card against the card reader.
darn it. it was TWICE.
nvm. shall learn from it. (:

emoness filled me once again.
we quarreled again.
BREAK UP seems to be the BEST idea.
but i cant let go. perhaps i just expressed it out of disappointment, depression&anger.
he confused me. i dont know whats love from him.
im worried sick for him.
the thought of breaking up seems not to be at the right timing.
i want to take care of him. till both of us are old.
i dont care. but these obstacles seemed so hard for me to just take a step over.

im telling you dear, that im trying hard to get over it.
finally, i got over it. but last night you lied to me again.
and so i find it so hard to trust you again.
for everything, it becomes my fault.
well done deborah.
you'd brought all these unpleasantness to yourself.

im stil trying to work things out. sigh.
want to thank ben for listening me out.
i called cheryl. but she didnt pick up. so i called ben.
i want to hear comments from him. cos he's a guy. he knows what a guy would think.
though each individual has their own character, but i still relied on his point of view to try to understand how guys think.
thanks ben! (:
anyway, cheryl. sorry if i bother your ben too much!
but i want to thank him alot for listening my cries&anger&disappointment. (:
you have a great bf! treasure him!
love you cheryl!!! (x

2007-06-15T01:01:00.000-07:00

went suntanning with justine.
just the two of us.
the sun was disappointing.
!##$*&#$*$&%*#&!!!
gonna find some other day to tan myself!
probably find hiphoppers&boyfriend. if not then chinchin&hanhan&jacjac!
miss them.

my dear had gone for msia for the past 1000 years.
and he's still not back in singapore.
im eeeefffing missing him. im effffing thinking of him every second.
but at the same time, i dont like him.
my heart is still not healed.
but its okay. i guess time will heal it.

tmr im going for NRA camp.
and im still eeeeffing not sleeping yet when im running a terrible headache.
FREAK!
i had gastric for the past dont know how many days.
i havent been eating well.
for example, there's one day i remember, i didnt eat anything till at at night, darling forced me to eat.
another day was i ate A LOT. like. within 5hours, i ate 2 meals! TWO HEAVY MEALS.
like today, i didnt eat anything except, 2sushi&1 curry puff. &fed myself with so much gassy drinks.

im planning to go suntanning with dear on monday.
who want to come along??
haha. those interested text me okay?
i'll ask dear&see how.
going to buy a new set of bikinis.
(:
my old one was so freaking worn out.
at least i still could wear it for today. (:

i had a great time today.
i didnt cry already. (:
thank you people who encouraged me!
they are, samantha sum. julia& regine, chinchin, henry, hanhan, jacjac, wannyy, charlotte, ruiqi.
i want to declare my love for them. haha. I LOVE YOU GUYS! if you guys dont know it! (x

i will be back from camp on sunday.
dont worry. i'll be safe. just keep me in prayer! (:

2007-06-13T17:49:00.000-07:00

after struggling for 4whole days, i finally broke free.
broke free from the long&frightening thunderstorm.
though its just 4days as i'd mentioned, it felt so long for me.
i fought this battle hard&courageously. i faced it.
now its kind of over. but part of it hasnt been over yet.
MY HEART.

though its hurting soo much, bleeding too much, shattered into infinite pieces, you promised me to mend them all back when you arrive in singapore.
i hold on to your word. i will wait till they are all fixed.

baby, the night you left made me lonely.
the night you left made me wonder if you'll miss me.
the night you left made me wonder if you'll dream of me every night.
as i see you leave, i bring myself an inch closer to the excitement you prepared for me.

but as i could start off with that excitement, i was truly pissed.
it couldnt be watched! it couldnt be saved in my lappie.
im so sad.

i cant spend my time watching those movies.
i can only wait every day, until you are back.
all i can say is i miss you. you&only you.

you chatted with me on msn saying you didnt manage to get a room, i was so happy. i wished for you to come back. but it was all disappointment.
but it's all right. i can hang on for just these few days.
i'll pack myself with many activities.
i would not make myself available for any ugly thoughts that is going to bombard me.
i would just think of you&my activities. (:

bee. im giving you one, the first&the last chance to let you prove that you love me.
dont fail me please.
i love you.
kisses**

2007-06-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

HAHA. ITS A GOOD FIND-OUT FOR THE WEEK. I'D LEARNT SOMETHING NEW.
BROKEN PROMISES. BROKEN TRUST.
BUT NEVERMIND MY DEAR FRIENDS. IM EEEEEEEFING ALL RIGHT.
DONT WORRY ABOUT ME.
I KNOW YOU GUYS WILL EEEEEEEEEEEFING MISS ME. (:
I MISS YOU ALL TOO.

thinking about today, it would make me smile through the darkest, most lonely night.
however, as i recall about your recent post in ur blog which u told me about, i was eager to read it, hoping it was something sweeter, something nicer.
however, when i learnt about it. it failed me.

yes. you'd chosen me. yes, i know you knew you wouldnt be choosing the wrong one.
BUT! you are still eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefffing confused about it.
im utterly disappointed.
i seriously enjoyed this day with you. because i thought your thoughts were true.
im not sure if you are using me as a spare tyre or you are real towards me.
i cant tell of your love towards me now.
im feeling super lost. SUPER LOST.

ive got no one to quarrel with. ive got no one to whine to. ive got no one to hoax me.
its lonely. it will be lonely.

--
this coming friday is NRA camp.
i dont feel like going already.
im bloody eeeeeeeeeeefing depressed!
i need my friends badly.
i want shoulders to cry&lean on.
im dependent on them, not you.
though for awhile, i loved to lean on you. i loved&missed the feeling.
i want to feel it again. but i cant put myself to.
i wouldnt want to bring any hurt to myself again.

yes. like what you said.
i brought this to myself. its my bad.
i forced you to say.
thats why i cant blame you.
i have to blame myself for being too sensitive.

im too tired to think.
let me bleed to death while you are enjoying your life at msia.

LABEL: I'LL BE GONE

2007-06-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

finally i got to know how the hell felt like.
at least i understand&i'll treasure you like hell.

i can hang on, with God.
i prayed to God to give me strength, He answered.
i prayed to God to give me comfort, He answered.
i prayed to God to hold back my tears, He answered.
give me time. i can solve this issue within me.

im feeling sad?
yes i am.
i resort myself to talk to someone&to watch the english lesson on youtube.
thanks to these two "helpers". because i really felt much better! (:

2007-06-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

i guess it's been a long time since i update my blog.
i guess life has become more stressful&im trying my best to adapt.
it's so hard yet challenging.
imagine i've got to go through this for 3years!

my cousin has a baby boy! his name is ADEN.
and God brought him to earth for a purpose! for his relatives to carry&hug!
he looks so much like his dad.
handsome boy.
so going to give birth to such a boy like ADEN.

finally got to talk to jie again.
poor thing! she's going through what im going through at this period.
TESTS!!
just want to wish both of us all the best&stay pretty!
- few days ago

anyway. many things happened.
my exams are finally over today.
i feel so joyful experiencing the after-exams-days.
like today, we had a girls outing at NAC.
what we did was SUPER unglam.
but its okay. we are still pretty!

head down to mng.
OMG.
saw this pair of skinny jeans.
darn cheap; darn gorgeous.
i just love it.
hanhan&i are planning to save up&buy our gonna-be-ours' jeans.
soooo cool!
this is the SECOND i ever successfully fit into a pair of jeans.
i recall the FIRST time was at LEVIS.
i just want those pair of jeans.
sooooo pretty!

baby is going to retreat next week.
and im superly missing him now.
sigh.
i want to go with you. but enjoy&feel holy.
but. no VIT. M.
so no retreat.
missed last year.
but nevermind! we are still going to have fun!

moreoever. holis are here.
i need 200% rest.
darn shag&restless.
i need to be a sleeping beauty now.

Label: mng skinny jeans. i want it.

2007-05-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i dont know i want to feel sad or happy.
disappointed or not.
angry or calm.
sometimes i just feel that, ive got the rights to feel what i want to feel.
but sometimes, you tell me that im wrong to feel that way. because you are supposed to be the one to feel that way.

so this is the situation which i always get entangled in.
im so sick being in the world.
yet whenever i think of Him, i feel that im such a happy girl because there are many more unhappy people living in the world&around me.

today, i feel especially calm though i felt emotional just now.
to my surprise, i used reverse psychology to make it work.
i realised i managed it well&i didnt use this method in my entire life with you at all.
i was so elated cause it worked!
however, i dont know if it was your contra-soberness which made things turn out fine.
but im still contented with the situation now.

though there are unhappiness in this relationship, i want to face it bravely&calmly.
because i want to love you all my life. i want to sustain this relationship.

i dont care how your friends look at me as your girlfriend.
i will try my best to be one.
&if i fail, i want to reflect&realise on my own.
because i feel that it'll work better this way.

in everything we do, i just want to deal those little hiccups with TOTAL calmness.
i just want to say i love you. i will never want to let you go.

2007-05-27T15:30:00.000-07:00

IM OVER THE MOON!

just came back from chalet.
in fact, dear&i went to TWO chalets.
as excited as i was, i DIDNT sleep a wink last night.

trained down to TANAHMERAH& we've got ourselves a cab.
so we cabbed down to CHANGI SAFRA .
to my surprise, i remembered that i went there before with my parents!
was being received by MR. & MRS. SAY'S & HANHAN'S warm welcome!
took a few photos. & samantha&shannon were trying to be the POPSTARS for the night; kept singing NONSTOP!

dear&i feasted on many chicken wings&sotongs&stingray.
we had a sumptous dinner&dear&i set off to MELODY'S CHALET at ARWANDA.
on the way there, we managed to hitch a ride from 2 nice&cool guys.
he dropped us at CHANGI VILLAGE& we cabbed to mel's chalet.

MEL chalet was a SUPER high-end chalet. room was enormous&living room was far more enormous than the bedrooms.

like what dear said, alcohol was absolutely FREE-FLOW.
took a little of it&i started talking a little too much (i realised but bee disagreed with me).
was actually wondering if i was getting HIGH.
but nevermind. one of the many people who came was WASTED. he's none other than ALVIN. cant blame him actually as he drank really ALOT. even before he went to mel's chalet, he drank a lot already.
--
so in the end, alvin puked everywhere&dear, kokwei&i helped him to the toilet.
YES. HE SLEPT IN THE TOILET.
poor thing! ):

baby&i stayed at mel's chalet until dawn broke.
it was about 7am when we left ARWANDA.
i was still feeling awake. wasnt feeling sleepy at all.

BOON, a nice fetched us back to BEN'S chalet.
THANKS BOON!

slept at around 730? and bloody woke up at 10 am to check out.
bowl at CHANGI SAFRA&ate BREEKS at changi airport.
baby met his old-good colleagues& was being offered to work at breeks again.

baby. DONT work for now okay?
study first! (: i love you.

went to baby's house to get my book.
i have yet to finish them. oh gosh.
im feeling darn tired now. i need sleep seriously. ):
i dont want to go for ballet later.
im feeling so tired.

GLOBAL DAY OF PRAYER TOMORROW!!!
hope i can leave early for ballet.
dont think im turning up for advanced training. instead, i might go for inter training. (:
back to the hands of time. (training!)

OH YEAH. MY FIRST LATE NIGHT OUT!
SUCCESSFUL!!!

2007-05-25T01:23:00.000-07:00

on tues, i'd BCA&it was utterly boring as we had to do exercises on our own. which only due this sunday, 1159pm.

&thats why jacjac&i came out with stupid actions&laughter with the distortion of my face!

here are some captures of them:

jacjac&i. we looked so adorable! arent we!

200 pounds beauty. double chin too heavy to bear.

seriously, ive got more pictures to post.
but they arent coming to me! haha. :D
i think i really looked retarded.
but WE HAD FUN LAUGHING NON-STOP aights.

tmr is going to be an exciting day for myself, dear& mr. & mrs. SAY.
HELLO WORLD.
im telling you my plans for tmr!

*class starting at 10am; ending at 12pm (ONLY two hours)
*215pm supposed to go for BA ENVOY interview. (hesitating if i should join; too many commitments)
*waiting for honey to finish&head dwn to JP t get his repaired ring.
*head back to school for NRA training
*head down to changi safra for MR BEN SAY'S BIRTHDAY CHALET- all done up by MRS CHERYL SAY.
*staying overnight there. whahah. :D my favourite!

the MOST turn off thing is that saturday, im going to have my replacement lecture for POA due to vesak day next thursday! DARN IT.

im so excited about tmr!
hope nothing will stand in my way. (:

CHEERS honey. i love you.
i miss you. i want to hear your voice! (:

2007-05-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

im such a GOOD girl today.
finally, im starting to do my tutorial again.
HAHA :D
starting of school, chinchin&hanhan&i were so enthusiastic into work.
now, chinchin&i were like saying that we lost our enthusiasm in our work.
we started to lose focus&starting to "heck care" tutorials. ):
which is a bad thing.
BAD BAD BAD thing! ):
actually hanhan at the beginning wasnt enthu at all. HAHA :D
WOOPS! =X
pon classes ALL THE WAY till she got so many warning letters from school.
HANHAN! SEE NOW YOU STILL DARE TO PON LECTURES&TUTORIALS NOT!

i shall keep up my good work nowadays!
baby. thanks for accompanying all the way.
i just love you being with me every minute&every second!
kisskiss **

2007-05-20T00:12:00.000-07:00

nothing much today.
today's event comprises of working out gym, eat lunch, sent my heels for repair, went home&nap, &lastly, HOMEWORK.
its BCA again.
omgdz.
its an every weekend thing.
total dullness. -.-"

2007-05-19T01:00:00.000-07:00

IS was utterly boring!

was busying doing work until i exceed the class time which was supposed to end at 12pm.

i finished my work at 12:03 pm. HAHA.

oh nevermind. wrote superly a lot. two whole pages!

after IS, waited for dear to come to school.

but after thinking for awhile, i decided to give him a call&found out that actually he was starting his class only at 2pm. wth. but its okay.

im not bored waiting for him.

cause im having fun with the OLD OLD OLD game! - MARIO!

went to library to chill. saw marcus&derek. they are like brothers. oh so unfortunately, they got booked in the library for making too much noise while playing CS. aww. boys' fav. game!

bought a cup of COFFEE MINT BLENDED for myself. it rocked me upside down, inside out. (:

after school, headed down to town to chill.

i was on high drugs, laughed non-stop!

deardear&friends thought i went bonkers.

actually our plan was to catch a movie, but some hiccups happened on the way, so we missed it. ):

aww, nevermind, next time! (:

i love baby. he's so nice&sweet!

feels so husbandly! (x (abit too early huh. but who cares?)

darling accompanied me to boon lay. we parted for our own home.

love you baby! (: see you tmr in jurong&i'll be getting a new pair of heels! WHOO!

and i need to repair another pair of heels.

lousy quality. =X

on my way home! love you honey.

2007-05-18T00:23:00.000-07:00

schooling today was total enriching.
cant believe that i was so hardworking, busy copying notes&listening to lecturer talk talk talk non-stop!
cheryl was on high spirit today. laughed&laughed with zzach&jacjac today.
OMGZzz.
we created so many wierd names for each other! HAHA.
such as.
HANIZAH = hanhan
CHERYL = chinchin
JACQUELINE = jacjac
DEBORAH (me) = brabra
my GAWD. thanks people. made me laughed too much. UNGLAM people! but i love you all! (x

today TWO people praised me!
firstly is that, my deardear corrected me in something.
&i graciously agreed to it&i had agreed to change! (x
deardear said he loved me saying that! HAHA. :D
IM HIGH TOO.

the second person who praised me was ms foo!
haha. said that i'd slim down, esp my thighs.
but the disadvantage was that i didnt have the strength to dance alr. cause yar.
slimmed down = less fats = less energy

today's class was ABSOLUTE shiokness.
though we didnt do any stretching. but i just love training&working my muscles.
shall break my pointe shoes so that i can use it as soft pointe.

deardear accompanied me to dance school. i just love him sacrificing for me.
but at the same time, i was afraid that he's feeling tired. ):
bee, if you feel tired, go home rest okay. i know you are tired. dont force yourself yea?
i love you!

2007-05-17T09:30:00.000-07:00

viewed my pictures&realised that i havent post these.

cheerful cheryl, my love.

BESTIE! hanizah. (:

my TRUE love. ruixiang fatfat! xP

2007-05-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

some things need to be reflected.
some things cant be forced.
these, everyone must understand.

cheer up deborah. your life isnt bad!
take in a deep deep breath and BREATHE hard.
smile my dear! you are a cheerful girl.
deborah, just remember, you are a cheerful&the happiest person on earth!
crying isnt your routine. crying is joy. it's bliss.
depression is happiness!
sadness is something you enjoy having it as your emotion.
smile deborah. you are great! (:

2007-05-15T21:40:00.000-07:00

can you believe that at this hour at 930 pm, im still hanging around school.
just finished my NRA practice not too long ago&im shag to leave my butt off the chair.

did LOCKING today&imma loving it.
thought at first it was. URGGG.
difficult to coordinate. HAHA. :D
but made it in the end. WHOO!

havent eaten dinner&am waiting for darling to finish playing CS.
dots. CS-chiongster. )))):
waiting. (: hahaha. going have dinner with baby&his friends.

later!

2007-05-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

getting bored sitting here at BLUE tables.
im freaking hungry&seriously need to eat.
but. ive got NO appetite.
some unpleasant stuff happened which caused me to want to ~~starve&kill~~ myself.
hey people reading this, if you feel like, you really hate this entry, then dont read it on yea.
i dont want to hear any comments or questions about this entry as im freaking moodless&depressed!
hence, this shall not be talked/ discussed. because i freaking hate today.
i'll hate today unless someone cheers me up from this mooooooody-depressing feeling.

talked to abigail mei&other people about some stuffs.
and i hope im feeling much better.
i just want to be a happy person, one who is RAHRAH and smart in dealing all things.
one who just keeps smiling till im no more. ~~(even on the deathbed of mine)~~
one who can make people's heart melt upon seeing my smile.
i just want to be THAT *snap* person.

shall go home early today. because im feeling very moody.
i just want to eat the chocolate cake which i bought for my mommy yest which is HAPPY MOMMY'S DAY!
i just want to gorge myself with all foods i see.
i just dont want to care what life's about.
i just want to be happy and carefree.

i hate feeling so emo&stuffs.
i hate handling situations which are soooooo super unpleasing and difficult.
i just want...

PEACE.

love the many people who have helped me deal with my problems.
such as cheryl, hanizah, samsum, justine, abigail, regine, xuan&my church people.
just want to give them a BIGBIG hug. (:

2007-05-14T00:15:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MUMMY DAY!

i had a great day today.

ultra lazy in the morning. after church, i went back home to sleep!

just need serious sleep for now. nothing else but SLEEP.

went for ballet&heard that NJC people gave kelly KELLY BARBIE DOLL for her bday present.

oh well. so adorable, childish yet thoughtful. (:
childish in the sense that kelly doesnt play these kind of stuff. but thoughtful&adorable in the sense that it's really cute and kelly can just place it somewhere on her shelf!

went to SAKURA for dinner.

its cost a bomb. but its worth eating those food there.

it was a delicious set of buffet&my family enjoyed it a lot.

BOUGHT MY MOMMY A CHOCOLATE CAKE! IT'S REALLY NICE AS I COULD SENSE THE AROMA LINGERING INTO MY NOSE! ^.^

took many photos. but most of them on food.

what we ate&what we left. (x

shiokness today.

PLEASE DONT WASTE FOOD!

SHARK'S FIN!

my brother's favourite! SASHIMI.

MY MOM'S FAVOURITE drink. COFFEE!

ALL OUR FAVOURITE. CHOC!!

WASABI.

MORE SASHIMI.

our table number.

the ambience. BEAUTIFUL.

THE END. (:

2007-05-13T00:42:00.000-07:00

went to my FIRST lesson of NRA on friday.
felt so good picking up hiphop again. it felt like, HEAVEN!
crunches&choreography was TWO THUMBS UP!.
the standard of the first ever lesson could match shaun's hiphop class.
you knw what.
i seriously envy ann for being so great as a dancer. ((:
anw, had muscles ache the next day.
--
on sat, the day which i just spent my day, i woke up&did my housework painfully.
my muscles were aching like. -SHIT-.
but i love my muscles aching. (:
cos they're working! (:

went for gym with deardear early in the morning!
HAHA. :D
so COOL.
yea. actually not very early, but its quite early for me though as 12pm is the time i usually wake up during weekends. ^.^
did so many stuffs at gym. for example.
treadmill, &dont know what, dont know what. =X
but i seriously love my muscles aching.

had been complaining the whole day. walked arduously the whole day. and tmr im going to have ballet training. which is GONNA BE SO TOUGH???

anything that can make me awake is my love. (:
like, my honey. (x

i need beauty sleep now. (:
shall upload pictures next blog. (:

2007-05-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

im so depressed all of a sudden.
dont even know about what.
perhaps i was just feeling super tired today. (:
no worries people! ^.^

going to head back to st margs soon!
i seriously miss st margs.
going to like, spend all my time talking to teachers, taking my certicate! (:
im so EXCITED!!!

ive got many hours before i head back to ngee ann to have NRA. (:
it's going to be my first practice and going to impress myself!
GO DEBORAH, YOU CAN DO IT!
i miss my friends. seriously.
and i miss MISS SITI!

2007-05-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

HELLO YOU.

i love baby. because baby is forever so sweet and cute! what can you do? ^.^

jump!

baby. no matter how sad you are, i'll be there to cheer you up! (:

this is called BLISS UNDERSTAND?

how great is the wind? really great. it gives us happiness!

i enjoy the moments which he rested on my shoulder. kisses*

my boyboy!

2007-05-08T15:45:00.000-07:00

HAHA. i had a GREAT experience yesterday.
i got to experience how anger can lead to many other unpleasant things.

in life, we had to control our emotions¬ let emotions control us.
in world, many got into crimes such as murdering&man-slaughter.
so better to keep calm than be harsh; not let emotions control you.
disaster is the consequence if you dont control your emotions.

i feel so good. (:

WHEE. not to say those stuffs anymore.
i'd cleared the posts for you already. this is in the agreement&that's what i promised.

HAPPY NINE MONTHS MY DEAR! COUNTING ON.. (: BABY I LOVE YOU.

2007-05-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

once a bitch, forever a bitch.

2007-05-01T18:22:00.000-07:00

i guess no more of such close relationship between us.
i dont mind that this end. because something has been standing in between us for quite some time already.
feeling rather moody to have lost such a close yet once BFF.
anyway. just puting my feelings&GUT feelings into words.
dont have to bother. life sucks.

later! mundane BCA, tutorial questions.

2007-05-01T02:40:00.000-07:00

my day was long. feeling so tired right now, but ive got the urge&eagerness to blog.
perhaps i didnt blog for quite some time&im feeling something is just missing. (:

didnt expect myself to stay awake throughout the lessons i'd today.
i only slept for 5hrs+ &i could still make it to open my eyes&mind to focus.
early in the morning, i'd a quiz&i jolly-well flunked it.
*LAUGHS
it was predicted. so yea. was actually rushing through my assignment at the eleventh hour. hence, my balance time was cut short&was unable to revise.
oh well. at least i still passed! (:

POA class was GREAT!
i love the cranky teacher. (:
i'd learnt a lot of things from her.
& not forgetting my saviour, EDWIN YEO.
he helped me in my POA&i miraculously improved.

met honey.
carried my lethargy all the way to woodlands.
i was about to die half way.
soo TIRED!

went to dancepointe.
missed hiphop. it was more challenging this time.
too bad im not doing it anymore.
MUMMY came back today!
as elated as i was, i hugged almost everyone i saw.
felt a little awkward as i dont belong to hiphop already.

things had changed&i hope deborah will do fine in the future. (:
i never wanted to see things that are going to happen in the future.
because i know they wont be positive. ):
pray hard for me.

i need a job desperately.

money concerns me now.
more textbooks to buy! GOSH.
broke broke broke.
=X depression.

is jealousy standing in between us?
i felt that. there's like, always a barrier in between.
it's so awkward. though sometimes, i tried my best to make us look like we are conflict-less.
fake statements. (who knows?)

DEPRESSION.......................
i want to cry now. let tears flow like a river please.
cry my sorrows out.
you are such a bitch. you suck.
just hate you.
&i hate myself.

i love darling.

P.S. i love the conversation the hiphoppers had just now.
made me laugh&forget all my sorrows. thanks people.
you guys NEVER failed to make me laugh&be cheerful.
you guys kept my life going.
I JUST LOVE YOU ALL!

2007-04-28T01:38:00.000-07:00

YEAH!
great day today.
had school. though it was a little boring. but the subsequence events made them all worthwhile! (:
went to town&met darling.
intended to catch a movie. but was afraid that i would be late for m BBQ. (oh well, i was still late.)
so, we went to eat something, we shopped around PS, walked to&fro along orchard road.
and i had my NAVAL PIERCING done! ((:
finally. ^.^
darling bought a shirt&it was on promotion. so it was like. buy one get one free. he bought his&he gave the free one to me.
baby. you are so generous. muack!

reached east coast at 10pm. HAHA!
VERY early indeed! (:
paiseh. was so late.
had fun for awhile (1hour)&we left.
im feeling so tired now.
misses to my dear! LOVE YOU!

am chatting on the phone with him.
baby. you are so nice to me.
i felt so comfortable lying on your shoulder&being in your embrace throughout the journey home.
*MISSES!

2007-04-27T13:10:00.000-07:00

should i go home?
or should i just stay in school& wait for boy till he finishes?
then i make my way down to east coast.
the OG leaders are leaving at 4plus yea.
im so indecisive. HAHA. :D
thats me. (:

im feeling so tired. should i just take a nap now at the libary? haha. :D
enjoying the freezing place here.

IS this morning.
i can just declare myself a BLURQUEEN now.
there's no class today at 8am!
and guess what. i thought there is.
mann. anyhows.
i thought i was late you know. the supposedly-class actually starts at 8am.
but i only reached at 830. so i was like, frantically rushing my way up the classroom.
in the end, i couldnt see any students. HAHA. :D
such a dumb deborah here.
I NEED BEAUTY SLEEP. I JUST MISSED AN EXTRA HOUR OF SLEEP!! )x

it sucks. need more textbook. ohmann.
hope to get them soon. want to read them. (: & do well in my semester. (:

tired. going to rest now. im super duper tired. to the max. ):

2007-04-27T00:45:00.000-07:00

NRA, HERE I COME! (:
went for its audition. & the best thing is i got in! (:
THANK GOD.
practise next week! (x

ballet just now.
darn lethargic. but i gave my best.
ankle weak today. oh wells. it happens once in a while.
DEBORAH DID PRETTY WELL TODAY.

slimming down is the best thing.
keep working on, deborah. (:

i miss baby.
shit. i need beauty slp.

2007-04-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

bought my "ROCKS" today. i swear they weigh a million tonnes.
bought POA, BCA books. have yet to buy two more books which also weigh a thousand tonnes.
my shoulders were on the verge of breaking into million pieces. ):

and my family too.
my dad left home, my brother was chased out of house just now. a few 10-mins ago.
i was pretty shocked by the reason he was being chased out.
its not that i was shocked that he has a new gf, but i was shocked to hear that the reason of him being chased out was due to the arrival of some girl name BEISHAN at my house this afternoon.
the cause of this event is that my mom forgot to bring her hp out this morning and she came back during lunchtime (i guess), to get it.
so unfortunately, he was caught. im not sure of the exact events of what what had happened, but yea. that's what i heard from my brother.

the moment i heard of the piece of saddening news, i teared.
oh, so whatever.
but i did, still.

but anyway, not going to brood too much on the depressing stuffs, but lets talk about my achievements today.
i'd managed to finish my POA homework, though i just bought the book WHICH WEIGHS A THOUSAND TONNES.
mann. going to go for next lesson.

gonna be late! (x

2007-04-24T01:21:00.000-07:00

im so depressed.
today is my LAST day of hiphop with shaun.
i'll only resume hiphop once money comes to me.

HIPHOP WAS FUN YET CHALLENGING!
i always love to take up challenges, though it might be disheartening at times, i would still put in my best to make out BEST i can be. (:
thats how a dancer should be by the way.
hey shaun, are you reading this?
yes. this is dedicated for you.
eversince you came to teach hiphop, ive improved tremendously.
previously, when i first took up hiphop, i crapped my way through okay.
i just danced. well, i admitted that it was TOOOO much of ballet style.
you are a great teacher, seriously.
and the times spending with the hiphoppers&you will never be forgotten.
it'll be etched deeply in my heart. (:
LOVE YOU people&you teacher. ^.^
might drop by next week. surprise okay. (:
HUGGS.

darns. i really miss hiphop. nearly teared baby.
HAIYA. shit mann. im so going to miss you guys.
*sob sob*

tmr schooling!
havent done my tutorials!!
HAHA. shits.
yea. FAECES.
going to turn in. HAHA. :D

2007-04-21T16:48:00.000-07:00

fell into deep sleep once i closed my eyes.
frightening dreams came haunting me, wondering what was wrong me when i regained consciousness.
dreamt about myself returning to st margs. (perhaps i really missed that place)
abigail was in, too.
i could only remember this part where abigail and i wanted to take pictures.
however, due to the school rule which says, "no using of hp in school premises", we decided to go to the toilet and cam-whore.
we ran and went towards to last cubical (squat), i didnt look into the toilet and i just turned around, wanted to grab abigail's hand to take picture tgt.
a scream was just being led out. without even looking what was happening, i escaped and ran for my life.
as fearful as i was, i peeped into the toilet towards the last cubical and saw a bunch of hair swirling around the toilet bowl. abigail was sucked in.
-THE END.

what the freak. how could i dream these dreams. frightening. )x

morning was a good period today.
doing housework without eating breakfast was a torture.
but i still did my work, vacumming the floor.
then my mother came back and started checking the floor.
zomgz.
shes freaking irritating. saying here not clean there filthy.
WHAT THE. F*
told me to vacuum the whole darn house again! ):
spoilt my day.
bad mood all the way.

i miss going to school. haha. :D
anyway. my young little small juniors did well for chinese dance SYF competition.
they achieved a GOLD award.
a little disappointing. but they werent as good as the senior batch, frankly speaking.
so i didnt actually expect much from them.
as long as they did their BEST, its fine with me. (:
too bad i did see how they did.
didnt have time to. ):
such a bad senior i am!

2007-04-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

yeah baby. you are well! that means i can go to school with you on monday.
i can have my lunch with you almost everyday!
YEAH. LIFE'S GOING TO RESUME ITS NORMALCY. IM SO HAPPY.
baby. you know i was so worried for you!!!!
thank God that the negativity is over. WHAHA. :D

school today is fine. (:
though i was a little late for class. but it doesnt matter because its the FIRST week of school. so, lecturers would be linient to us.
but from next week onwards, work will starting to flood me.
and attendance will be stricter&late comers will be dealt with harsh consequences. ):
not really harsh though. just that if you accumulate&accumulate, you'll be marked absent&be barred from exam. how sad.

have to buy my macro textbook soon!
SHEEZE!!
i need it so by monday okay. its not funny. sigh.

going to meet my mentor soon. (:
finally got time to meet up with her. HAHA. :D
mentor must have missing out a lot on my life. (:
going to catch up with her soon. hahhaha.
FINALLY!

baby. i miss you. ^.^

2007-04-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

im stoning.
firstly, im feeling super tired. but because i want to blog. i forced myself to stay awake for perhaps, the next 15 mins? (:
secondly, i want to be by my honey. he's feeling super weak and im not beside him, serving him.
im feeling so useless you know.

after school, went over to his house to see how he was feeling.
my gosh. it was burning hot okay.
and he still dared to tell me he was fine in the morning when he was running a temperature at 40 degress celsius!
FREAK!
bee. how can you lie to me. just let me worry. its okay. i just want to know how you are feeling. and i'll just do whatever thats needed to soothe your discomfort.

what kind of doctor is she to tell darling to not sweat and switch on the fan?
HELLO! a feverish person should perspire his fever out¬ to get in contact with cool air!
sigh. dont what to say. because honey was like telling me to listen to doctor.
i was feeling so. URGHHHH. you know.
you listened to me in the end. i felt so happy when you were perspiring like a dog and your fever was almost gone!
i was so happy.

bought porridge for him. and yar. sacrificed many stuffs.
i was already carry many things and id got no more limbs to carry anymore stuffs.
oh well. i want to buy honey porridge. so yea. persevered all the way to his home with my heavy bag on my shoulder, my heavy laptop, my bulky shoe bag&the container of porridge.
YEAH. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

i walked through the heavy downpour. (many people know that i hate walking in the rain)
i forced myself to walk with my high heels through the puddles of water streaming down the covered shelter.
i hate the feeling. but i really wanted to get something done. so i heck care. (:

deborah. im so proud of you! (x

baby. you must get well. im so worried for you.
i cant live without you. i love you.
i'll bring my misses to you tmr. i want to just give you a tight hug.
allowing comfort ruling your body.

tmr class is at 8am.
going to catch my sleep now. (:
im loving what im doing now.

2007-04-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

im seriously missing my honey choong rui xiang now.
he's sick my gosh. having fever and everything.
SIGH.
all i want now is to rush to his house and see how's he.
and i want to take care of him. feed him and give him water to drink.
dont let him switch on the fan.
pull the blanket over for him to sweat his fever out.
deborahs so helpful to sit down here and just keep my mind focused on him!

baby. i told you to sleep early.
but now i felt a little regretful to had said those words.
im missing your voice. at this time, i would have heard your voice will i sleep!
but im not on the line with you. you are asleep. ):
im feeling something is missing! SIGH.

baby. i hope you wake up now.
give me a call.
I WANT TO HEAR YOU!

yeahs. meeting honey tmr and going to school tgt! (x

2007-04-18T15:09:00.000-07:00

finished lecture at 12pm when it started at 11am!
lecture for ONLY one hour. haha.
because it was supposed to be TWO hours of lecture.
ended early and went to canteen two and had lunch with cheryl, hanizah, phyllis, ben&his friend.
today we are the carbonara gang. we had carbonara for lunch.
ALL OF US!

baby came to find me as he was having his break.
he was seriously not feeling well.
he's freaking having fever&cough&whatever other symptoms that are going to give him insomnia.
i believe he wont be having good sleep tonight.
SOB.
baby. take care of yourself yea. (:
i love you.
anyway. i hope he's feeling better.
bought him bread and panadol and drink.
SERIOUSLY HOPE HE'S FEELING BETTER!

cheryl and i were like the guai kias of year ones.
we were like copying notes like hell. haha. :D
while we were busying copying notes, the lecturer was like.
"i see you people copying so much. but actually you people dont need to copy because its going to be posted in the website. "
-.-
thats the face we gave.
we felt so cheated! haha. :D

saw many year two students too.
they are retaking this module. haha.
so united. one retake, the rest also retake. haha. (:

nothing much. just that, im so worrying for him. he's sick!!!
oh my. im so worried for him.
going to accompany him home later!

saw many people today!
excited. (x

this life is going to carry on.

2007-04-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

today didnt go to school for any lessons.
there were no lessons anyway. (:
but.i went school to collect my long-awaited notebook!
HAHA! :D
was soooo excited. ^.^

oh my!!
my lenovo V100 3000.
super light (to me), and yea. its cool okay.
i knew nuts about the functions and everything.
was freaking figuring out the functions and everything.
so kuku!
didnt know how to activate the wireless!! )x
but anyway. helpful people came along.
like honey and his friends. ((:
--
in the end,i'd to bring to notebook helpdesk to do it.
then you know what.
the wireless thing was all right already!
oh freak!

downloaded those necessities.
so lame. i havent got to try them out.
tooms shall try it out. WHAHA.

im still unfamiliar with stuffs in my precious notebook!
im so going to struggle with it. =X

oh anyway.
yesterday, i was talking about something which i intended to blog today.
yes! and thats my own bank savings!
haha. i want to save my monthly earnings into it. and hope it'll be enough for my future dance education.
but in the interim, i'll spend some on my own and of course, my needs. (:
used atm card on my own for the first time! - top up my ezlink card.
--
it was so cool! WHAHAA :D

oh YEAH. (:

things had been fine for me.
tried so hard. but will fail at times.
oh well.
YES DEBORAH. YOU CAN SURVIVE OKAY.
YOU ARE PRETTY AND YES! BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN DO IT AND YES! YOU CAN DO IT.
mann. super comforting myself. =X

thats all for the day.
i love myself!

some pictures before i end. (:

2007-04-17T01:40:00.000-07:00

all right. i left my last footprint on sat.
so i shall take the initiativeto give a brief summary of my days after sat. (:

SUNDAY
everything was just like clockwork.
woke up and went off to church and attended only service! (:
im sorry pastor ayan. i couldnt wake up. was enjoying my beauty sleep.
oh well. after service, i was kind of in a hassle.
rushed to seng kang from chua chu kang to meet my jie, took my salary from her and rushed back to jurong east to visit my grandma.
she had an eye operation.
imagine me chatting with my grandma in hokkien okay!
went to ballet at 430. met bi feng at a very random place.
REALLY RANDOM.
nothing much. was just very tiring!

MONDAY
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! was so excited.
met honey at panjang to go to school tgt.
he was late. so in the end was late for school.
yea. nevermind. i was super early then.
went for CCA fiesta. nothing much.
kind of boring yea.
signed up for NRA.
HAHA. AUDITION (x
gonna get busy soon. )x

after school. something special happened.
shall blog about it tmr.
went for hiphop.
REALLY GREAT.
had gastric. and yes. thats it.
felt tired and all. really sucked.
bt honey bought hot drink for me. YEAH.
thanks honey. i love you.

never leave me. because i seriously need you sooo much!

2007-04-14T14:37:00.000-07:00

im badly ill.
and im feeling weak.
my notebook will only be coming in on tuesday.
so slow. ):

on monday, im going to open my own bank account.
oh well, i didnt ask for my parent's consent.
oh mann. im going to die so much. ):

IM SO FREAKING WEAK!

miss my honey.
he's slping and piggy-ing now. (:

2007-04-14T00:23:00.000-07:00

early in the morning, went to school again.
the last thing before the orientation ends for good.
while travelling in train, the sky poured heavily.
so sick of the stupid wet weather.
but oh well. id to bear with it.
so in the end, my legs were all drenched!
it sucked. the feeling sucked.
i just want to be dry!

reached school and walked to the sports complex with greg and our camp leaders.
met the rest and waited for donkey hours!
leaders were late, everyone was late.
so in the end, programme started late.
id to leave early to accompany honey update his passport stuff.
hence, i only went there to watch TWO performances and cheer.
thats all.
the performances were great!
really great.
MAGNUM FORCE AND SOME DRUMS ENSEMBLE club.
it worth our claps and cheers. (:

my period came today.
oh mann. so weak. cant stand properly. ):
moreover im ill. (x.x)

only realised after we left immigration centre and reached bugis.
we walked and shopped.
haha.
finally got my shades!
AWW. so pretty. aint they cool?
haha. :D

had a great day, really.
thanks darling.
i really love you. (:
hugs to you.

school is starting soon.
the ever-exciting journey is about to begin!
WHOO!
NP-BA! HERE I COME!
but my notebook is only coming to my house on tues.
what the..!
but at least i still get one in the end. (:
satisfied. ^.^
lectures for the week.
its just going to be so dry. but whatever. going to enjoy it no matter what. (:

i love myself. i love my dear.
pretty deborah.
charming ruixiang.

2007-04-13T01:20:00.000-07:00

BAoc

ive made great friends from this orientation but the sad thing is that we are not going to be in the same class!
so now comes the question, "WHAT'S THE ORIENTATION FOR?"
answer&explaination: nothing. we bonded so well, yet we will be separated. then we'll get into a new class with new people with new faces, and we have to bond again. so is there going to be a second orientation?
HAHA. WHO KNOWS.

the aftermath of BAoc is im sick!
ok. sick in the head. (oh whatever, im not!! haha!)
im seriously ill la dammit.
after much cheering and playing of games (apparently not really games).
im having sore throat&cough&blocked nose.
oh well. its really quite dry. but yet, satisfying&enjoyable.
especially the times we all laughed&joked.
and the times we strengthened our bonds. (:
its really heaven having made those bonds; friends!
--
looking forward to be in the same class, el dorado 7!!!

class timetable is out! go check it out babies. (:
ok. same class as greg. (:
waiting for others to tell me which class they are going into.

okay. more about the orientation!!
pageon was one of the programmes and it was a disappointing one.
the winners of BA pageon (male&female) were like those who cannot-make-it-ones.
it was soooooo disappointing!!
mann. when they announced the male winner of the pageon, my leader went, "WAHLAO! HE SO CANNOT MAKE IT CAN!!"
when they announced the female winner of the pageon, all of us were like so quiet. no comments. but my heart was like. ERRR. so cannot make it. )x
- oh well. shall just live with the disappointing results.

lets carry on with the games and fun we had.
first day when we first met each of our team members, we were like so quiet.
and i bet all of us were like thinking, oh mann. this orientation was going to be an uninteresting one.
however, to our surprise, we started to make new friends!
the first friend i made was gregory. oh well. he actually took the initiative to talk to me, and of course the rest.
then the next friend i made was cheryl. HEY. SHE'S ALSO A LEFTHANDER! haha. :D
as time went on, we started to familiarise with the people we are mixing with. like. edwin, shaun, denise, nisha, hanizah, jun rong, run jie, yu yang, gary etc. and leaders such as eunice, hannah and hsien tze. they are like, so chinese speaking. but i was fine with it as i was from a chinese speaking family. (:
but cheryl and greg couldnt take it. HAHA. :D

games was quite boring. but the rest of the programmes were much more boring. hence, the games in the end wasnt as boring.
we had much time laughing la. esp edwin, greg, cheryl&i. (:
missed cheryl. didnt really get to see her today.
busy meeting her bf. HAHA.

today was the finale.
after the experience of shivering in the convention centre. my group leaders&i went for dinner at bukit timah road.
you knw the stretch of road of food stalls?
they have very nice foods there!
we ate rice with different dishes. (:
really tasty.
made my tongue excited! ^.^
went with edwin, shannon, hsien tze, eunice, hannah and the other girl whom i dont know her name. had GREAT laugh.
our laughter filled the whole air okay.
and everyone was like staring at us. haha. :D
because we were very noisy.
oh whatever. we had fun.
the end. (:

2007-04-10T01:47:00.000-07:00

switched personalities
i feel so sorry for abigail. she's like a younger sister of mine, rather close to me. cannot say close to THAT extent. but she's still close to me. dote on her a lot with LOVE&CONCERN.
anyway. today after hiphop class, abi and sandy just went to have a bite (GUESS THEY WERE HUNGRY!).
but her mother&maid were waiting downstairs for her to return home tgt.
guess after waiting for a long time, they still didnt see abi.
they "panicked"&rang up DP.
these all people can understand.
--
here comes the ridiculous part.
MAID was the one complaining the most. saying lots of nonsensical stuffs.
QUAK so much negativities about dance stuffs.
whatever.
heard from abi that maid hits&scolds her often.
though you were in the QUAH family for 14 yrs from when abi was borned, it DOESNT give you the right to ABUSE her with all this faeces (shaaeet i mean).
and know what. she actually scolded abi right in front of ALL the hiphoppers.
abi also have dignity okay.
dont be snobbish you little crap!
her mom only said that the night is getting old and she has school tmr.
THATS ALL OKAY!
oh! whatever nonsense!
you were like bah-blahing all the way saying what.
"MUST CALL HER FATHER ALREADY. CANNOT CONTROL HER ALREADY."
do you know your voice reverberated the whole compound?
ynay ynay ynay all the way. WHALA! like a mouse.

oh. thanks julia sweetie who had treated my drowsiness before hiphop started.
i was feeling so tired&cried too hard for TWO DAYS!
its beyond your imagination. it was really hard.
so i was slping in between rest-times.
too tired. )x

HIPHOP was GREAT.
*two thumbs up!*
hey shaun, are you reading this? feeling excited about hiphop once again?
HAHA. :D

thanks baby. for accompanying the whole day.
though the first part of the day wasnt pleasing to me.
im sorry. but i really didnt feel good. )x
im sorry.
but you are so nice to me.
just that youre petty at times. serious.
im sorry!

went for dinner-supper after hiphop.
ate minced-meat noodles.
aaaavvveeeragge la. =X
baby missed his LAST train.
luckily he still had his bus. (:
THANK GOD.

being beautiful is my mission. WHALA!

2007-04-08T02:50:00.000-07:00

if i'd knew this were to happen, i rather not talk to you than to repeat this.

anyway, last wednesday was supposed to work and ended up, when there wasnt anyone in the office, girlfriend and i had a good laugh at our own shots!

to make things easier, i combined all of them to a collage. (:

we were on drugs. thats y all the funny and eccentric photos are all here.
tmr church!
EASTER DAY!
i miss you.

2007-04-06T01:32:00.000-07:00

W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R DAY!

woke up late at around 1130am.
because i am a P-I-G.
thanks. (:

well. i slacked around as i woken up by my mom.
i didnt wake up myself.
so i took quite awhile to warm up my brain-cells.
my brain cells need to get use to the environment you know.
was actually in the BLURBLUR condition.
then, went to eat breakfast cum lunch in the kitchen.
--
halfway through my lunch, ive got a T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E tummy ache.
obviously, the L-O-G-I-C was , I HAD TO GO TO THE TOILET. (to relieve my bowels)
i took a L-O-N-G L-O-N-G time, of course. (guess its due to eating too much chilli for my dinner- minced meat noodle.)
my mother was actually running late for her interview for her supposedly new job.
so she was like zomg darn irritated.
thus, she began screaming and shouting at me, saying why i took so long to have my lunch.
i said im in the toilet la. tummy terribly aching.
--
so nevermind. after spending quite some time in the toilet.
i went back to cont my lunch (had my hands washed!).
so the screamings stopped.
after my lunch, there came my H-O-R-R-E-N-D-O-U-S tummy ache. A-G-A-I-N!
so ive to clear my bowels once more.
really horrrrrrbiGIble la.
--
so my mother was super irritated and started her non-stop screamings.
W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R!
i couldnt just leave the toilet wad.
i was irritated also okay! not as if im emotionless.
irritated because ive to answer her stupid questions and yet i was doing SUPER BIG BUSINESS at that point of time!
here comes the non-sensical part.
she came with a chair and started banging it against my toilet door, forcing me to get out of the toilet.
i was like. WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT FROM ME!
I JUST WANT TO SHIT MY LIFE OUT LA.
screeching her voice to the max, ive gotten my business done and opened that loose, collapse-gonna-be door.
whatever.
accusing me for trying to escape doing the DAMN STUPID HOUSEWORK (which apparently NOT true).
WHATEVER!!!
then saying my sister needs to bathe badly.
WHATEVER!!!!!!
there came the FLYING CHAIR.
WAHLAO.
luckily i reacted fast.
it was just a split sec for that darn chair to reach me.
i pushed the chair away. with my lousily postitioned hands and fingers.
hence i'd gotten my knuckles innocently knocked.
its now bruised.
WHAT A DAY.
bullied me to mop this mop that.
WHATEVER.
i did it anyhow.
because i thought it was SUPER SPARKLING CLEAN can.
i can even see my own reflection dammit.

oh well. though it was a horrendous experience.
but ive got something else which cheered me up!
they are. my ballet class and my honey!
hehe. thanks.
I LOVE YOU!

worked at dancepointe today.
it was SUPER FUN.
oh well.
VERY the BUSY yea.
parents complained many.
saying the workmanship not good. super lousy.
saying the leotard all those exam attire came so late.
yea. WHATEVER.
you think ms foo wants it meh.
WAHLAO.
there's only O-N-E good supplier in SINGAPORE OK!
SONATA!
haha. (:
kinda like promoting. but. yes.
it is the one. (:

cant work on sat already.
dammit. i was supposed to work. and jennifer happily called waileng to work.
DAMMIT.
money drop from the sky please.

my laptop!
my parents cant apply for the NTUC income LOAN.
DAMMIT.
at first was my dad.
cause the law was against him.
then came my mom.
saying that she DOESNT have payslips.
WHATEVER.
i dont really believe.
because i think ALL companies are supposed to give their workers payslips!
i guess she just doesnt want me to get a laptop and benefit more than my bro and herself dammit!
WHAAAAATEEEVERRR LA!
haiya. so problematic.
can someone just let me use your account to pay for the monthly instalments and i'll just pay you back whatever the amount is.
PLEASE.
desperately needs it.

im so going to open my own bank account.
handle my own pay and yes!
save up for my future. (:
since my mother DIDNT SAVE UP MY PAY FOR MY FUTURE AT ALL!
wth.
oh well.
my 500++ bucks flew away to PUB and M1.
byebye my money. ):

wordie entry.
gonna post pictures the next time round about yest.
about gf and i. crazily taking pics when we were working. (:
HAHA :D
hug hug girlfriend.
we had a GOOD laugh. (:

2007-04-04T01:39:00.000-07:00

had to work today at 12 plus.
guess what. i woke up at 1230!!
looking at the clock, i immediately jumped out of bed!
and forgot to call dear dear.
said will call him but because i was rushing, i forgot.
i cared less and just focusing on rushing to work.

when i was in bus 30. this old ah ma talked to me.
zomg.
SHE'S SO FRIENDLY AND CHEERFUL!
we started our conversation with a smile.
then she asked me where i was heading.
then i said, im going to dance.
but actually im going to work. because i forgot!!! (my mind was thinking DANCING when im in bus 30, you see.)
so her eyes lit up!
she asked me how many years have i engaged myself in dance.
i said proudly, 10 YEARS.
she was VERY amazed and excited.
then she told me about her interests.
especially when she was younger, she loved dancing. and she danced before! (x
she was asking where im learning. i said. taman jurong CC.
she was like. ORH~
she asked how much. i said a few hundred over three months.
she was like. so EX?!?!
i said, because we are not under CC. we are a private organisation. (:
she went, OOOO.
HOW COOL CAN!
loved it. (x
even fate-meet-ups can be like this.

ate jennifer's fav food for lunch.
REALLY THUMBS UP!

worked worked worked at dancepointe.
calculated the amounts till i was going bonkers.
recalculated MANY times okay.
finally it was just one digit which caused me to press the calculator million times!
WTH.
but anyway. was really relieved that i got them done.
YES DEBORAH. YOU DID VERY WELL!

headed home alone as uncle lance and ms foo had to head to somewhere else urgently.
so yea. lonely trip.
and something really dumb happened to me.
--
bus 240 home.
was going to alight at interchange and guess what.
i could feel something resisting my knee to straighten.
it was somewhere near my cartilage. (i guess)
but i could care less because i was the last 2nd to alight. if i had dragged longer, i would be in the bus alone with the bus driver for split second.
and so, i just forced my knee to straighten and my knee just went *CLIAK!*
mann. it really hurt. A LOT!

as i made my way to berth 242, my knee hurt all the way.
all the way home. )x
gotta go visit a chinese physician one fine day.
WHATEVER.
no money.

nothing special today la.
the end. (:
around of applause please.

2007-04-03T00:06:00.000-07:00

WHEN IS MY LAPTOP COMING?!?!?!
so suck.
has the application approved?
when are you efficient people informing us?
its going to be TWO weeks from when i had bought my laptop using hire purchase ok.

tmr morning, i need to make a trip down to a CC to enquire about singpass thing.
lousy singpass website.
just cant "BACK" my page.
i seriously need my transaction reference!
bloody hell.
i need those stuffs by tmr can.
why are these things happening to me at THIS time?!?!?!
ARH!!
--
gotta get those forms signed today!

oh well. honey's blog.
ermm. its seriously a little disrespectful.
i still have to take the hardships im facing.
no choice.
who asked me to be borned in this family? quotes my mother.
well. honey only heard part of the whole thing. which is only my story and my complaint.
didnt hear my mom's part of story.
perhaps she has some things to say too? (:

YEAH.
im back for hiphop today. really enjoyed it.
i seriously regretted giving shaun cold shoulder.
should have been more like. friendly and crazy?
mann. where's that deborah today?!?!?!?!
*SLAPS*
WAKE UP DEBORAH.
the world is still revolving. life has to carry on honey.
*PATS myself*
--
though im back to class today.
i might be only attending three more lessons in order to fulfil the whole term.
so yea. in the end still have to pay about 150 plus.
sucks.
money is an issue.
it will be ALWAYS.

my gums are like aching like shit.
so are my muscles.
darn.
this is the aftermath of attending ms foo's sunday classes.
but i enjoyed those challenges being put up in front of me.
i love those crazy moments doing stupid stuns with kelly.

life is good. i just love my life.
deborah is surviving. WOW.
claps claps.
going on deborah. (:

2007-04-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

i cant take it when my photos are gone!
photos which i took on the last day of my performance!!!
so frk out.
SUCK IT OUT.

justine is away for camp today.
just hope she'll enjoy eventhough i backed out.
well. at least she has her boyfriend to accompany her! (x
she's gotten herself a partner. after so long. (:

my handphone bill had been constantly rising.
from 30 bucks to 40 bucks.
well. at least i maintained at 40 bucks these few months.
was drinking some hot drink last night and my mother came giving me a heart-wrenching scolding!
WHATEVER.
i give YOU my pay is because i respect you.
i give YOU my pay is because i thought you'll save it up for my bloody future.
i give YOU my pay is because i want to use it as a relief for my laptop and sydney trip!
NOT to GIVE you and pay for starhub cable tv, electrical bills etc!
those stuff are neccessary and they should be coming out from YOUR bank account and NOT MINE.
i know they didnt go into your bank and spend it.
but you should at least save it up for me!!!
WTH.

i want to buy theraband!
i want to buy some freaking hard stuff to massage my muscles.
super aching now after yest's training.

more money please.

I MISS MY HONEY.
honey, my mom bought something for you. (:
haha. pass it to you on fri or something. ^.^

2007-03-31T00:46:00.000-07:00

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY
-rudolph the red nose reindeer (its normal, so deborah, its ok!)
-new photo studio (excited!)
-the bus driver (wierd encounter)

i officially the rudolph the red nose reindeer!
luckily ive got my cap to block my nose a little.
(:
well. im used to it. its not like ive never gotten before!
though it really sucked.

worked today at my cousin's shop.
they are going to make a small photo studio soon!
whoo~ im so excited to what its going to become! (8
nothing much. just tried to enhance the photos. (only pros are allowed to do that)
well, i was just playing with it. (x

after work, went home with sok ling, my fav senior worker!
haha. she's super lame with her chinese messages!
reached boon lay and darted my way up 242.
found a place to sit&rest.
took a look at my watch and realised it was still early.
so i decided to take a BIG round inorder for me to not cross the road and rest more!
242 is a feeder bus.
halfway through the journey when i had my eyes closed, the bus driver stopped his bus, left his driver's seat and walked up to me and gave me a tap.
GUESS WHAT HE ASKED?!?!
arent you going to alight??
first time in my many trips on 242, i got this kind of driver who actually noticed his passengers!
dont i always take a big round and alight at the bus stop opposite from where i was supposed to alight so i dont have to cross the road.
you know, as you grow older, you'll tend to be more lazy.
even a few steps or just to cross a road is a CHORE for you.

sorry honey, for not sparing a thought for you.
take care honey. i love you always. (8

2007-03-30T02:21:00.000-07:00

another bad day of the year.
was just wondering how many bad days will i have this year?
last year ive got many of it.
they were all life issues.
they just suck to the core.

shant elaborate more. but i would like to highlight a little of it.
well. it was just like a heated controversy on whether i should go for NPSU camp.
oh well. seriously, i really feel like attending the camp.
not because of anything particular but just PURELY for fun and enjoyment.
however, xiang heard it from past experiences that NPSU camp is just an event for guys to MOLEST girls.
must be wondering WTH?!?!
but yea. many can vouch it.
ah, after so much rubbish happening (my fault), i decided not to go for the camps already.
to satisfy everybody and prevent myself from getting "TOUCHED" by guys there.

my knuckle is seriously bruised.
xiang accidentally hit my hand against the wall on the mrt platform.
DARN.
its darn painful.
its swollen i guess.

justine and i left the platform as we had to go for ballet.
oh well. ballet class was pushed back to 4pm instead of the earlier 3pm.
because many TROUBLESOME NJC people couldnt come at 3pm.
so ms foo just brought it backwards.
today's class didnt favour anyone.
especially me.
today's class was just rubbish.
i wasnt square on my hips doing attitude and arabesque and led to ms foo's ringing question on whats wrong with me.
all of us were just feeling lethargic.
especially me. i didnt have the mood to dance at all.
neither did i have the energy to hold my body.
the only wonderful thing that ALWAYS excites me is pirouttes.
haha. :D
i can really be hyper doing it.
kelly and justine can vouch it. (:
i miss kelly. seriously.
oh well. but someone misses kelly more.
HAHA. THAT PERSON IS NONE OTHER THAN NG WAH CHUN. HAHA!
--
too bad coppelia's plan wasnt successful. =X

i'd cried enough.
i dont want to cry anymore.
i dont want to cry anymore over you, over this relationship.
you unwillingly forced me to leave you, i couldnt.
how i wished some things can just end with a snap at your fingers.
but things arent easy like that.
though there will be sufferings, im willing to bear them.
this can be contradicting, but when you are in the situation yourself, you can find yourself understanding it. like me for now.
let no tears fall because of you.
please honey. i just want to be happy.
if you want to die, kill me first.
if you want to bang your whatever body parts against the wall, let me do it first.
if you want to slit your wrists, i'll do the same.
ive done those before and i will do it if you do.
im NOT kidding with you.
let no emotions take over you.
you are supposed to be the one taking over your own emotions.
you are a weakling, you claimed. i can vouch for it.
i can proudly say that im emotionally stronger than you.
probably thats me. i tend to forget things easily.
but when things accumulate, there'll going to be a disaster.
but for now, things havent started accumulating.
luckily.
so dont even let it start.
i will try my very best to end all unhappiness.
but it takes TWO hands to clap.
hope you'll work with me.
dont be to possessive, i advise.
baby, i love you so.
thats why it hurts me seeing you sobbing and fighting hard against the problem like that.
try another way. it might help. (:
love you baby.

nearly lost my ring today. was working at dancepointe and jenn asked me to pack stuffs for the younger girls' upcoming exam.
my ring fits my forth finger loosely, so it dropped in the cupboard at the counter today.
luckily ms foo found it.
know what, i couldnt even feel it wasnt on my fingers!
WHAT A DUMB DEBORAHLOOMINYI ON EARTH!!!
then ms foo suaned me. saying that she shouldnt pack the things because she'll loose her ring too.
WHATEVER. (8

went home and started crying over the phone again.
SIGH. never ending.
oh well. finally can wipe the sweat off my head.
everything is fine and peaceful now.
just want to thank JUSTINEKWANYITING for being such a good and thoughtful friend to stand up for me and raised up her opinions.
i really do appreciate that. (:
LOVE YOU GIRL.
see you on sunday! ^.^

working tmr at kodak. (:
haha. whee. :D

-life still goes on....

2007-03-28T22:52:00.000-07:00

TAKEN DURING COPPELIA!

jamie with her beautiful leg. and please notice me, taking a nap before the performance. i was so tired!
jasmine and her friend came to support gan pin. and i. (:

qiaoyi (acting pretty),jamie (in pink), vivien (MAID) and i (labelled 'hours').

my turn to be the maid.

jamie's hand is the fattest.

saki and the three of us.

my legs are the darkest. mine;ganpins;jamie's. (:

i seriously miss COPPELIA SEASON!

missed the fun. and now, coppelia season is over, ive got nothing to do now. so i missed all the fun! sigh. ):

swan lake. please come. im like. missed the company dancers and company classes!!!

2007-03-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

woke up super late, so ended up, the subsequent events were all behind time.
well. deborah still made it!
prepared my own breakfast (some biscuits & cup of coffee).
headed down to NP with dear to take a look at laptop roadshow at convention centre.
well. not intending to buy ACER as they are too expensive and not appealing.
heard that if ACER is down, you've got to bring it all the way down to somewhere quite far to service it.

oh. but nevermind. intending to buy these quite-lightweight laptop.
one of those is LEVONO (IBM). weighs about 2.1kg.
the other is FUJITSU. weighs only 1.8kg.
about 2K.
mann. how am i going to afford it?? ):
this question has always been ringing in my head.

then head down to dancepointe to join the grade 8s for class.
had some little hiccups with bf.
well. class was not shiok.. ):
because it was too cold. i cant dance.
CANT DANCE AT ALL.

the exciting part is here. after grade 8, ms foo decided to head down to jurong west and take a look at the place at the new swimming complex.
HAHA.
ms foo's car was with uncle lance. so shaun lent her his MAZDA 3.
most of us know that MAZDAs have HUGE bodies.
ms foo is driving a honda, which is much smaller in size i comparison with shaun's mazda. haha!
so, we got into the car all ready to leave.
then ms foo did many attemps to drive out that mazda as she claimed that there wasnt any space for her to go out.
--
just to reverse the huge car took about 20-25 mins.
haha. all she did was, reverse, go a little forward, reverse, and found it a failure and head back into the lot.
so waileng, girlfriend and i and of course ms foo, experienced this many times in this nearly half hour duration.
i guess, from afar, this pro uncle came along to help giving ms foo directions to just get SHAUN'S MAZDA out of the parking lot.
and ms foo made it.
*clap clap*

the place there is very beautiful!!!
haha. and huge. but too bad, the windows there cant be opened, and so, it MUST BE air conditioned.
for dancing, its definitely NOT GOOD.
i like non air conditioned environment.
much better to dance. and of course, you'll be warmed up and all ready to put up a good show. (:

hiphop was quite boring.
today shall be my last class.
shant continue hiphop till my financial status improves.
so for now. i stop (:

ballet should be enough for me. (:

i miss choongruixiang!

2007-03-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

THE END

first of all, coppelia ended last night, thats a cruel truth.
which means, im more free, which means, ive got more time to do housework (no more excuses), which means, im going to stay at home most of the time.
which means, im going to miss my friends ('hours' dancers), which means, im going to miss all the crazy moments we made up together, which means, no more walking to PS together to eat subway, no more walking to funan to eat taco bell and food junction food, no more walking to raffles city to buy starbucks and spinelli coffee! and no more imitations of coppelia!!!
in other words, without coppelia, no more company classes, which means, no more having classes with SDT dancers! (toru, zoulin, haiying, sakura, alex,chen peng, zhao jun, kellie, jacez, xiaomi, alpha, shu yi, grace, bryan, chen wei, JEFFREY and the list goes on..)
i can actually remember their places. SOB!

oh well, back at home, feeling so empty without rehearsals and company classes. trying to adapt to it now. (:
the lead dancers did amazingly well.
example, ZHOU LIN!!.
she wabbles quite often when we were having rehearsals. but during the performance, she seldom wabble! only one major mistake, she couldnt lift her leg to arabesque from a retire position. (on pointe, mind you.)
so cant be blamed. but all her "FIFTHS" were there. mann. so pretty!

kellie. her jumps were good. PRETTY! shes always good. so nothing special to comment on.

toru, a young, charming and promising dancer, who was given this opportunity to take up this lead role of FRANZ. haha. and he did pretty well.
on the last night of coppelia, he did three fouete turns in ala seconde! haha. thats really wonderful.
he told me that he was really shock when he himself did three turns!
he claimed that he was saying to himself, "aiya, dont bother!" and he just went, TURN TURN TURN.
it "WOW" us. all of our eyes lit up. HAHA!
*applause*

people i really miss.
GAN PIN
JAMIE KOH
JONI
YUMIKO
QIAO YI
VIVIEN
JO HSI
GERMAINE
XIULI
JAIME PANG
SIN YEE (sacarstic stage manager)
TWIN BROTHERS
PAUL (his classes)
MUHD NOOR (he always "scare" us with his "POM!")
COMPANY DANCERS
- OF COURSE, JEFFREY TAN.

just love this 1&1/2 months of staging cum rehearsals.
so fun and pretty enjoyable!
thanks for making my day.
and want to thank so many people for coming to support me despite playing a small role. (:

got to go and get my laptop. (:
blog soon. ^.^

2007-03-23T01:29:00.000-07:00

its beyond belief that COPPELIA is tmr!
ITS TOMORROW!
well, first show. its getting REALLY exciting!

im so going to visit a physio-therapist.
im so tight everywhere; hurt my muscles and stuff; joints everything feel so loose.
managed to use inner thigh muscles! WHAHA.
its every dancer's SO-CALLED-DREAM to use inner thigh muscles.
for example, my ballet mates.
we arent trained for using those muscles.
DARN IT.
i want simple, technical training!!!

read gan pin's blog.
WOAH. so going to miss her, jaime, vivien, joni after coppelia's over.
and also, sinyee's heavy sacarsm like what gan pin says.
haha. (:
its really cool and fun working with those people at SDT.
and dance with company dancers. OH WELL.
they must be thinking, "BETTER NOT DANCE, ITS TOO EMBARRASSING FOR US TO BEAR!"

sighs. nevertheless, we will still do our very best.

things to do after coppelia.
- visit physiotherapist
- pluck out my injured toe nails
- massage my muscles
- go for workout
- shop ( if possible )

comments about today.
HAHA.
did double pirouettes today for every exercise.
unable to balance properly (WABBLES WABBLES) while doing centre work (PONCHE).
-BLEAH.
around of applause to my foete turn! (only left leg)
lousy DANCE OF THE HOURS at full-dress rehearsal. (TIMINGs WERE ALL WRONG!)
my hair was super neat.
gan pin's hair was miraculously NEAT. *CLAP CLAP*
my hair too. NEAT TO THE MAX. jaime and gan pin can vouch that. (:
TORU TALKED TO US! (qiaoyi and i). -gan pin, reading this?? haha. jealous or envy, choose one (: -

school is starting soon. (16 APR)
know what. im going to have many friends there! WOOTS!
and YES!
people who are going to be there.
-GIRLFRIEND!
-justine
-gan pin
-jane ho (i guess, heard that she got into the same course, BFs, as me.)
-dear dear!!! haha. (8

gotta buy my laptop.
mann. the registration thing is super duper troublesome!
bloody hell. dont know whats going on.
WHERE'S MY SAVIOR???
*vroom*
he's here. HAHA. :D
and he's always here.
i just love him many many.
miss him many many too.

and YES! he's watching my performance tmr! with meijun.
oh wells.
i forgot to order tickets for david and xingti jiejie! MANN.
so forgetful.
ok. shall do it early in the morning tmr. so that uncle adrian can print the tickets out. HAHA. (:

deborah did well today.
continue.
swan lake in dec.
im going to attend the audition. haha. :D
SWANS HERE AND SWANS THERE.
crap crap.
same thought as gan pin.
WILL BE VERY WILLING TO SUFFER FROM BODY ACHES!
*laughs.

long entry.
but just too long didnt blog.
it tempted me to do so instead of having my sleep. HAHA. :D

i love my dear!
miss him so much. (:
take many many pics tmr girls.
love you guys. (:

2007-03-21T02:52:00.000-07:00

MY FIRST CHOICE

BANKING AND FINANCIAL SERVICES.

upon receiving a sms from my mom saying, "call me.", i felt rather a sudden frustration running through me.
this is what i always feel when my mom messages me.
for reasons such as scolding me and giving me a good nag.

i was travelling in the bus from SDT to victoria theatre for spacing rehearsal.
hence, with low spirits, i returned a call to my mom.
with those frequently asked questions such as have you eaten? what housework did you do today? what time are you going home? what time you finishing?, im seriously irritated.
dont ask me why, because thats what MOST teenagers always feel.

however, things changed this time round.
she was slowly disclosing the piece of good news to me.
HAHA. saying you know, NP has send a letter to me.
and she was REALLY excited and opened up to read it, hoping that i was being accepted! haha. :D
indeed, i was!

before she even disclosed it to me, my heart was palpitating really fast.
doubting myself in getting in to banking and financial services.
WHY???
because this morning, xiang brought me to NP and asked the person directly to see if DAE posting are out.
well. she said no. and told us the cut-off points for the courses id applied.
banking and financial services = 11
business studies = 13
early childhood = 15
was actually thinking that i might not be in for BFs. well. the acceptance letter proved my wrong! and so, im in to banking and financial services and follow my cousin's footsteps.
was really thankful! (x

honey was so super worried for me henceforth, insisted in going to NP personally to enquire.
well. it was a good day.

MANN.
TODAY IS MY DAY!!!!
haha.

HAPPY all the way.
i know nuts about the enrolment thingy.
well. just follow what it says in the booklet.

for now, summary of monday.
had class at SDT.
was really getting bored and long.
didnt feel too well to continue to dance. well.
monday really sucked, at SDT.
boredom was roaming the place.
--
however, things head for the worse when i get to dancepointe.
went to office to peep if anyone was there.
well, shaun was there.
didnt want to say hi to him as i was so guilty and didnt dare to even look at him, because id let him down.
i was trying to avoid.
so dumb of me! shouldnt have went to the office.
DUMBO DEBORAH! ):

well. life has to carry on., i thought.
so i put on a smile on my bloody face.
and said hi to him.
and there i went, dashing to the studio for extra prac with the grade 8s.
girlfriend was good! haha. :D
LOVE GIRLFRIEND!
--
after grade 8, beginners hip hop. then break then advanced hiphop.
well. during the break, i really dont feel like staying in the office as i was too ashamed of myself to face shaun.
so i went off to studio to dance my life out.
haiya. whatever. dancing myself?
LONELY.
HAIYA. dont want to talk about it already.
just depression and nothing better.
-
now lets talk about better things.
hiphop was rather different that day.
was in fact, very different.
we did lyrical hiphop.
really enjoyed it. got the feel of it.
mann. was so shiok. (:
-
well. first time doing lyrical hiphop.
didnt know it feels this way. but now i know.

tmr got company class!
anyway, ive got no more mood to blog on.
im still feeling guilty.
contributed to the stuff. oh well!
life has to go on.
bloody deborah!
WAKE UP!
prepared for the worst.

ending my day just like that. ):

2007-03-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

TODAYS CLASS JUST ROCKED
i cant believe im still thinking about what had happened yesterday.
which was the performance at east coast park.
i cant believe that im still suffering in guilt for these two darn bloody days of my life!!
i dont know what i should do.
i apologised, but it seemed not accepted.
well. if this is to carry on, i seriously dont know how to face you, teacher.
but yeah, hate me all you want.

for your information, tickets are running out FAST.
to those who havent confirm with me, I HAVENT BOOK YOUR TICKETS!!.
so confirm with me soon k?
not to watch me dance, but to watch those professionals up there.
lanky legs and muscular backs.
Woots!
*thumbs up!*

todays class was something i didnt really expect.
it was seriously strenuous.
here came a new student, yet a teacher-to-be.
thats what i heard from dont know who.
but anyway, she's good.
GOOD. as in. GOOD!
in strength and flexibilty? yea.
*claps!*
btw, her name is mei yi or something.
darn. my dance class is flooded with NJC people.
--
when will stmargs peeps occupy dancepointe?hahaha!

well. i need more proteins and some foods which will make me look fatter.
melvin claimed so.
guess he had a shock upon seeing me just now.
did i change in size?
haha.
i HIGHLY doubt so.
i just had strenuous trainings at SDT every single day from morning to evening.
i need theraband!
i need something really hard and circular and long to massage and relax my muscles.
they are working far too hard.
i need some ointment for my neck and back.
they are aching too much.
cramps!!- no way.

i seriously hate what i'd done on sat morning.
was a pig and then?
didnt manage to perform.
DISAPPOINTMENT.
it just sucked.

should i go tmr? or do i just, skip it?
sucks BIG TIME.
im breaking down.
my brain isnt working too well.
didnt have good sleep for 8 nights!
blardy hell. SIGH.

i love my mentor!
i love my honey!!!!
i love my girlfriend!
i love my teacher, ms foo!!
i miss my friends!-kelly & justine.
i miss company class cos i missed it on sat!
SUCKS BIG TIME!!! -kcuf-

can i just faint?
can i just be unconscious?
can the Lord just take me to heaven?
earthly things suck.
just take me to heaven.

2007-03-18T01:08:00.000-07:00

first of all, i want to declare my guilt for what had happened today.
i am seriously sorry for being late at such event, performance at east coast.
we had put in so much effort for today, yet, i destroyed it with ease.
wasted all those efforts.
wasted all those time.
shaun must be hating me to the core now.
but im not really concern about it.
just concern about the disappointment i've created in him.

i guess everyone was disappointed.
including i.
something to roar.
you guys shouldnt have told me to go down to east coast. when you guys have already decided to change the formation when im not included in the item.
that time girlfriend called me, i was very near fort canning.
i could just make my way down to SDT for company class.
now, i'd spent so much money on cab and what did i get in the end?
cold shoulder, embarrassment and .. oh well. i cant think of it.
fcuking pissed.

i know its my fault. but when you guys have changed the dance, at least tell me and not till when i reached the place when you guys have nearly danced till the end and yea. tell me about it.
so pissed.
AHH!!!! *bang myself against the wall*

FLAJ$#%dfmjq498te3$^%#GO%&.

im tired.
im emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally break down.
tell you something dear.
i hate crying over you. i hate crying those small little things.
i hate crying over this relationship which both of us wanted it to last.
HATE CRYING!
dont make me feel so terrible can.
dont keep saying this and that about me.
i just hate those stuff.
get those off my ear!!!!!

today is a bad day.
and i guess, my bad days will continue, so long as i continue crying over such stuffs.
not worth my tears.
they are so minor. AH! HATE IT.

just need someone to slap and bash. thats all.

2007-03-14T01:14:00.000-07:00

okay. back to blog.
starting from where i had stopped?
which is.. sunday i guess. HAIYA. who cares baby.
okay. yesterday's stuff.
which is a MONDAY.

had company class once again.
but not madnoor this time.
it was PAUL. the ballet master.
was actually wondering why he went through the steps so like an old man.
HAHA.
my girls and i found out that he was afraid that we couldnt catch it.
so he purposely slowed down for us.
HOW NICE!! (:
well. ONLY AT THE BARRE.

came to centre work and everything turned from white to black and from black to white.
it was challenging and YES!
IM LOVING IT. WHOO~!
pirouettes and pirouettes! WHAA!! im so enjoying those LOVELY spins.
nearly did three spins. WHEETS!
but. nearly accidentally sprain my knee again. if i were to be a little more careless, i would have sprained my knee the 3rd time is 2 years!
--
niwae. contradiction was present abt completing those spins.
my toe nail ached like nobody's business.
the whole of my BIG toe swelled and nail was coming off.
PAINFUL. mann.

but i just enjoyed their company class.
WHOO. insanity.

somehow, i managed to SQUEEZE out those PUS from my nail.
HORRIBLE!!
was tearing drop by drop then.
gonna pluck those nail out after my advanced exam this year.
heard from xiuli that the feeling of dancing without toe nail on pointe shoes is just.
HEAVEN!
haha. how true is this? let me try. (x after my advanced exam in sept. ^.^

niwae. confirm with me soon for the tickets. mann.
must be quick in your actions.
because the tickets are selling at an alarming rate. WHAHA.
but no matinee show for now.
not at esplanade.
but at victoria theatre.
phantom of the opera booked esplanade one step faster than SDT. well. its ok.
we shall use the SMALLER stage. haha.
easier to travel. whoo.

SDT dancers?
HAHA.
TORU!! haha. he's like. darn good in his spins and jumps.
so now, he's crowned the lead dancer, 1st cast, for COPPELIA.
FANTASTIC.
gan pin is crazy over him. haha.

all right.
should turn in already.
shouldnt have blogged.
such a long entry.
YUCKS.

2007-03-11T01:38:00.001-08:00

early in the morning at half past 8, i jumped out of my bed.
was late for company class at singapore dance theatre.
well. i flagged for a taxi and rushed ALL my way down to fort canning.
want to improve my style and strength, i went ahead with class even though i didnt bring my toe pad which could prevent me from injuring my toes further.
my toes are already suffering from breathlessness and pain.
well. cant do anything much as i wanted to "UP" my ability in dancing.
so after one hour plus of company class, my toes were already screaming for help.
but i still had rehearsals to do for the upcoming performance at VICTORIA THEATRE.
--OH.
anyone interested in ballet production by SINGAPORE DANCE THEATRE?
ticket pricing is at $28, $38, $48 and $58.
order from me and you'll get 25% discount.
but theres an additional charge of $3 for handling charge and sistic charge. (:
so hurry. confirm which catergory you want. it'll worth spending money on. ^.^
ok. there's going to be three days.
23march, 24march, 25march.
im doing 1st cast on 23march and 24march. so 25march, just some extra dancers needed in ACT one.
well. you can still choose to watch on 25march.
the main focus is to sit and relax and enjoy the performance.
it'll really be nice. (x
quick confirm with me ok? haha. :D
--
niwae. koreans guys are HOT!
soo cute. mann. HE'S HOT!!!

ok. nothing else to blog about already.
im super missing honey.
giving him a surprise tmr!! haha. :D
but i think he knows already.
love him!
i miss choongruixiang!!!

2007-03-09T23:37:00.000-08:00

didnt have a bad day today. (:
was feeling happy ALL THE WAY.
because im a happy girl!

P.S: this is a reminder to spammers. thank you for coming to visit. and please come to visit my blog more often. to have you as my visitors, its really my pleasure! so enjoy spamming all right. it doesnt matter to me. comment all you want. because, what you say or what you going to say, they wont affect my relationship between honey and i.
i will say to you, "WELCOME TO DEBORAH'S BLOG!"
and before you leave, i'll greet you with, "THANK YOU! PLEASE COME AGAIN!"

anyway, i was supposed to work today. but unfortunately, my cousin got someone to replace me and i'd my OFF-DAY today.
well. so, i've gotten something to replace that emptiness.
met up with honey today and we played mahjong (computer version).
and then, his mother came back. seriously, she had a mood swing. and this caused both of them to have a heated controversy.

i sat in between them. tell you this. the feeling aint good.

but nevermind. its over!! (x
--
after that, went to meet aloysious and his people at cine.
entered pool centre and then, off they went to ZOUK.
of course, as obedient as i am, i headed home (:

got a call from my mom, and she told me that she bought honey something! (:
i was so elated. can feel the joy in me. WHAHAHA. xD

thats all. visited shaun's blog today. and saw some dances from youtube which he'd put last year.
OH MANN. going to take up lyrical hiphop.
the FEEL is PERFECT!
REALLY PERFECT.

the end. remember to tag.
TAG ALL YOU WANT! ^.^

2007-03-08T13:13:00.000-08:00

unhappy with me?
then, TAKE YOUR LEAVE.
thank you!

2007-03-08T01:31:00.000-08:00

BELATED VALENTINES DAY CELEBRATION

i did much persuasion for my mother to let me go out with honey today.

honey had planned this day nicely and wonderfully for me. and this is the first time i received a REALLY BIG surprise from him! its really GREAT.

*THUMBS UP!*

-thanks dearie.

today is my first time stepping into VIVO CITY.

comments about VIVO CITY is that. its really HUGE and there are many branded stuff there.
know what. im so tempted to buy clothes from the shops at VIVO!

mann. but im broke. )x

landed myself at VIVO at 530 pm.

was supposed to meet dear at 5pm.

but i had a terrible stomachache thus, was late.

so it was bein pushed back to 6pm.

nevertheless, dear reached at 5pm.

so i was late and he was at some unknown place, planning the surprise he wanted to give me.
so in the interim, i went around vivo, window shopping myself.

went to levis and search high and low for dear's belt.

but couldnt find it. think only lot one has it.

i asked the promoter and he said that was the old design and they no longer the stock anymore.

SOB.

thus, im going to make a trip down to lot one tmr and get THAT belt!

the suprise was..

he actually brought me to SENTOSA!!!

took the skytrain there. DEAR DEAR IS SO DUMB! TOOK OUT EZLINK CARD! HAHA.

haha. :D

the place was really beautiful baby.

saw the orion's belt.

my brother and honey told me about it.

INTERESTING!!

niwae. want to thank kok wei, aloy an trisha for helping xiang for today's surprise. HUGGS!

ok. pictures time!! ^.^

our ring. (:

LOVES.

end here! take care.

HAPPY SEVEN MONTHS DEARIE!

08032007.

2007-03-06T02:24:00.000-08:00

im mentally spritually emotionally physically break down.
we've been quarreling since this morning till now, it hasnt ended.
its just over a small little tiny puny mistake i made.
i just went out with charlotte and didnt meet up with you when im supposed to meet up with you.
i know im wrong and i'd apologized.
now you must be wondering why i can just use a "sorry" to take over all those things i'd done.
you told me to at least say a sorry when i know im at fault.
and now i did. yet you are not satisfied.
im already to the end of my tether.

for the whole week. you've been threatening me to say you want to die. you want to die.
you kept saying you want to die. just let you die and im free.
i can do whatever i like.
to what. let me be a BITCH?
i told you.
give me chance.
and u said u did.
but what you are doing isnt giving me any chance to!

God, just take me away.
Bring me to you.

2007-03-02T03:53:00.000-08:00

please everybody.
call me a BITCH.

niwae. just came back from bbq not too long ago.
it was held at julia's house.
GIRLS. you were GREAT!
two thumbs up.
GUYS. you were COOL!!
applause.

and CHARLOTTE!
you were funky yea. and BRAVE i must say.
danced repeatedly to our non-stop unsatisfaction sounds and gestures.
*clap clap!*

a few days ago. i was helping my friend to do some nail arts stuff.
was a model for her. though tiring. but. it was interesting.
sat there for hours until my butt was gasping for breath.
took many photos but they arent with me.
--
heard that i was on the newspaper yesterday!!
haha. gonna grap it and take a good look.

that particular day.
my name was BITCH.
and i'd caused my dear to suffer from headache and nausea.
bang my head against the wall.
such a lousy girlfriend i am.
CHARLOTTE!
safe me. sob. )':
--
shant elaborate more.
too ashamed of myself.
slap me.

i want to be free!!! haha. :D
clubbing?
yea. im free rachel.
tell me more. (:
hugs.

2007-02-25T23:35:00.000-08:00

25th FEBRUARY!!

honey's birthday today.
and it fell on a sunday. and today, sunday, there was church in the morning.
YAWNS.
guess what. hney brought me something but i forgot to bring the stuff i wanted to pass to him!
how can the deborah be so so so forgetful?!!??!!?

gjq39vjednkdvnsae.

nvm.
then we went out together to. JURONG POINT.
though its a boring place to have a birthday celebration for honey.
but because, we've got no time.
absolutely no time.
because ive gotta run for ballet at 5pm!

but nevertheless, we managed to enjoy.
enjoyed ourselves with a movie. a pair of couple ring. no food and minor conflict.
i regretted making you angry and disappointed on your birthday.
but i just seriously dont like it honey...
pls understand. (:

niway. they are already over.
and we were back to good terms once more! ^.^
love you honey. gonna meet you later.
to see me take passport photo. MANN.
gonna be so so so embarrassing!!! )x

anyway. i seriously hope that honey've enjoyed his birthday despite having little conflict with me.
gonna celebrate belated vday and 6months together!!!!

-ilu.

2007-02-24T02:09:00.000-08:00

yes. im not initiative.
yes. im always busy.
yes. i dont want to listen to you.
because i want to be daddy's girl. i want to be mummy's girl.
nowadays, due to my parents' conflict, i was able to have a chance to be my mummy's girl.
i was able to spend time with her, eat lunch with her.
i feel so happy. and i dont want this life to be taken away from me.

if you ask me to choose between you and my family, i would sadly have to say, i would choose my family.
this decision was so hard for me to make. it was a tough one.
family will always stay with me. but you wont.

im not fit to be the one for you.
i cant always be there for you.
you should know that.
you should also know and understand my situation.
SIGH.
so please. im so tired of it.
accept that we cant meet that often.
accept that im a busy girl.
accept that im a lousy girlfriend.

so i shall see you tmr dear.
lets have a good talk.

2007-02-20T00:18:00.000-08:00

today marks the 2nd day of lunar chinese new year.

the first day was kind of boring. didnt do much but just eat and eat and eat.

how should i summarise them?

oh nvm. shant be long-winded.

the second day which is today, isnt much better. haha. still, BORING.

angbaos? haha. yes. (:

into my hands?

HAHAHAHAA.

N-O.

its a total boring chinese new year.

but only a few things spiced up my two boring days.

FIRST DAY- my cousins. (: they are sooooo adorable!!

SECOND DAY- my aunt-mummy's doggie, COBY. he's so adorable. i sat by him while he was being locked up in the toilet. haha. that was how bored i was!

some pics. dont smile. they are quite lame. =X

2007-02-17T01:11:00.000-08:00

chinese new year is coming. haha. and i've bought my new year clothes.
YIPPs.
skirts and tops.
mann. im high. just feeling high and excited. (:
many ang baos are coming in.
TO MY HANDS. whaha. :D
though i've ever thought of smuggling a few of them into my own pocket.
*woops!
my brother thought of THAT no-so-nice idea. haha.

-push the blame to him

yea. anyway. i bought my new year clothes with my cousin and my aunt.
they were so so so good to me.
they were THAT good.
i felt super paiseh when they were treating me so well.
they just took me as one of their closest.
that day, i went taka to meet them, and shopped for clothes.
and yea. went to eat crystal jade.
and didnt want to go home.
yet at that moment, i had to face the reality. that is IVE TO GO HOME!!
there was a TWIST.
my aunt suggested to stay with her for a night.
and my cousin was super excited. haha.
i was excited too.

anyway.
im really thankful to those who cared so much about me.
who took care of me. and who understood me when i was a monster.
im really thankful to those who taught me so much and who comforted me.
who was there to listen to all my rubbish and craps. haha.

today went to work. and develop photos for myself. haha. :D
i find myself so sweet and cheerful.
and cute and adorable. mann.
ego turning big. oh mann.
ok. reverse everything.
i find myself botter and emo-ful.
im disgusting and disturbing.

okay. blogging too long.
later you guys fall aslp.
boohoo. enough crap and rubbish. (x

2007-02-14T13:21:00.000-08:00

i've applied and thats it mann.
do i stand a chance baby.
its so hard and i dont think i could even make it.
its not to my advantage. mann.

-vexed

2007-02-10T01:12:00.000-08:00

THANK GOD.
I HAD DONE WELL IN MY Os.
L1R5 = 15 (13 with deduction of CCA 2 bonus points)
L1R4 = 12 (10 with deduction of CCA 2 bomus points)

the most surprising thing was that. i didnt expect myself to get A2 for combined humanities.
seriously when i was doing my social studies and history paper, i chanted to myself, "im so going to flunk this paper. im so going to fail. even if i dont fail, im so going to get the most C6."
haha. in the end.... so miraculous!!!!

well. some were quite disappointing.
for example, my emaths. expected myself to get A1 but in the end ive gotten an A2.
as for chinese, the first time i took, ive gotten a B3. so this time round when i retook, i expected myself to get a distinction. unfortunately, i failed to get what i want.
and for my amaths, i have confidence in getting an A. but i've gotten B3 in the end.

but nevertheless, God worked miracle for me this time round.
i studied at the last minute.
i "biah" the whole night before my paper. even before my paper began, i was still mugging.

and YES!
i passed my english well enough.
i expected myself to get D7 or the best, C5.
nothing more than that.
but God made me pass and im so happy with a B.
mrs raj came praising me. haha. :D
i felt so happy. its beyong description.

of course, the smart ass from my school is none other than christina suresh.
she's gotten 8As.
and guess what.
ALL WERE A1s. hahahaha. :D
then jialin, she has 9 subjects. and all were distinction.
haha. so proud of my friends. hahaha. :D

im happy. and they are happy.
and im happy! hahaha. (:

2007-02-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

gsitmjoaeinvoe.

i am feeling more restrictions.
can i just do what i like?
i just dont want to take people's thoughts into consideration.
people's thoughts about me.
can i just forgo those thoughts???

i felt so intruded into my privacy.
all i want is just a question.
at least a a question to what you gonna do.
not just till i realised that that something was already done.
and i think i dont have an extra copy of it.
SOBB!!!!!

sigh. what is this turning into...... ):
lets discuss it. ):

2007-02-06T19:15:00.000-08:00

mann. my moo-cells are aching.
thanks to teacher shaun.
haha. but i love. (:
cos i can really feel my inner thigh moo-cells now.
WHEE.

we were really high yest.
cos of the song GET HIGH.
mann. cutesy like people jumping and dancing yesterday.
even MS FOO. haha. we were on drugs.
cant believe. high till even until hiphop class ended, we were still executing jumps around the studio tgt. hahaha.
*FLIES

all right.
RICKY is not going to come today.
he cancelled class. hahaha. :D
im so like. BORED`

boredom is killing me.
but at least there's still msn and everything. (:

2007-02-06T16:55:00.000-08:00

im working today, again.
and today is the MOST boring day ever.
there's only ONE class on every tues.
and today is tues.
poor deborah got bullied by ms jennifer low.
and so. i shall declare tuesday- LONELY TUESDAY!

--

i just had my lunch.
and it was a LONELY LUNCH.
and so. whatever im going to do, there'll be a "lonely" included.

--

probably my life for today is going to change.
haha. aaron chong is going to accompany me later!
hope he doesnt forget! haha. :D
because he walked past dancepointe. and he took a glance at the counter.
he saw me. but he continued walking.
then a cute face appeared in front of the glass door once again.
haha. smiling at me was THAT young boy, AARON CHONG.

--

know what. im going to have practice on every thurs for my coppelia show.
ok. coppelia production is going to be on 23rd, 24th and 24th of march.
this production is solely by singapore dance theatre.
so must come and watch!!! ((:
though i may just be an extra dancer needed by SDT, but its still a learning experience!! ((:
im so excited. hahahaha. :D

--

mann. aaron left already. he's going for swimming lesson.
and now, im back to square one.
but nevermind.
later RICKY will be here to teach salsa.
haha. im sure he'll make this day interesting. hahahahahahah. =X
im so mean.
only ballet people know. hahaah. (:
i was just being sacarstic. ^.^

2007-02-04T13:08:00.000-08:00

back to update.

under 1 month's probation.
so after this 1 month, if i still dont improve, then i shall say BYEBYE to it.

feeling so SUPER WEAK now.
let the river flow baby. hah. :D

this coming week is getting exciting.
Os RESULTS will be announced most prob on fri. haha.

shall go for lunch now. im not hungry.
but he's coming to eat with me. how am i supposed to leave the counter? oh no.
shall eat at the counter. (:

2007-02-03T18:28:00.000-08:00

once again. you lay these words in my mind.
though they are good for my character building. but seriously, as a human, i cant accept them, somehow.
probably some can. but definitely not i.
almost everyday, you are telling me not to be like what you dont want me to be.
im feeling rather tired of it already.

finding excuses not to call you?
definitely no.
in my own opinion, i dont find myself finding excuses to shun from your comments.
i did have my reasons on why i didnt call you the whole morning.
let me state my reason clear now.
my mom.

she wanted me to do this and that.
complaining i didnt do this and that.
demanding for a reason why i didnt do this and that.
was i supposed to those in the first place???
maybe yes. for vacuuming and mopping the floor and taking down the laundry.
but am i supposed to do them everyday?
definitely not mopping the floor which i dont need to do everyday.
vacuuming, yes. i did.
taking down the laundry?
i was lazy. thats y i got scolding from her this afternoon.
mopping the floor? i wasnt supposed to do this EVERY SINGLE day.
mann. isit dusty?

my mom is having a phobia.
fear of dust and dirt.
seriously. ):

back-track now.
yea. i was saying. i was feeling tired.
those words that were spoken through your lips.
you've proposed that didnt you.
its not your first time if i'd remembered. hmmm.

oh well. i cant decide now.
so vexed and everything.
hate thinking about it.

2007-02-01T15:07:00.000-08:00

many things happened for the past one week.
many disagreements. and yes. sometimes i really feel like giving up.
but i thought about it again. it was hard for us to get together.
both of us had tried so so so hard to be together. even to the extend of offering our helping hands to heal each others' bleeding wound.

i was so tired of quarreling and being unhappy and emo.
totally lost all the energy and even thought of going to chinese garden the other day to cool myself down. and also to reflect on myself.
unfotunately, i had a last minute work to do. my ballet teacher needed someone to tend the office at my dance school.
so didnt manage to go chinese garden in the end.
emo-ed for the whole week. and this was the new week for me. going on all right.
dont know whats going to happen next.
shall just take a step at a time. (:

OH NO.
im working fewer and fewer days!!!! this also means that im going to stay at home for more days. SIGH.
you know why im feeling so disappointed?
because whenever im home, i'll have to do ALLLLLL the housework. ):
not very tiring but tedious.
for example, vacuuming the floor; have to drag the vacuum cleaner wherever i go. its TEDIOUS.
the same action just goes on and on until the whole house is sparkling clean.

oh man. and last night, i'd gotten scolding from both my mom and my dad.
it was just a PEANUT, PEA matter.
and they made such a BIG fuss out of it.
really want to smack my head in front of them.
but failed. hahaahah. :D
im a timid little mouse. WHEE.
at least im little. unlike someone. so humongous.

working at dancepointe now. (:
laze for quite some time already. ((((: WOOPS.
haiya. there's nothing for me to do right now.
so decided to update my blog.

and there's a GOOD NEWS for everyone. (((:
im shortlisted for COPPELIA (dance production) that is organised by SINGAPORE DANCE THEATRE. im so overjoyed!!!! hahah. whee. lets see how i carry myself then. (^.^)
all the best to me. (:

2007-01-17T21:25:00.000-08:00

back to blog after some time. (:
after many working days.
and finally, im back to add something on my stagnant blog.

wad's up. i cant really rmb. ):
i remember that i got a scolding from a customer just because i couldnt find her order.
it really suck. SIGH.
then she hung up on me.

OOH! went for hip hop class the other day and finally got to see abigail and aaron. hahaha. :D
2 weeks didnt see them alr. MISS THEM.
and of course, after hip hop class, we went to SIAO SIAO play bball.
who were there?
yixuan, aaron, me, regine and julia.
the FIVE of us were screaming like crazy ppl in the middle of the night.
we proceeded to S-11 to eat supper.
talked about a lot of stuffs.
and YEAH~
there was this SE LANG kept looking towards our table. ):
STARED back.
and we ZAO. (: